Where For Art Thou Romeo?

We are the soldiers of our own adventures, we are the keys to the kingdom

2011-07-27T13:36:00.000-07:00

On the eve of twenty and rounding out the end of your teenage years, there is a certain amount of pressure at being nineteen years old. These are supposed to be your happiest years; these are the years when you will look your prettiest, when you will be thin, healthy and full of life. These are the years when you will have the most freedom, when you will care about the world and the world will still care about you. These are the years when you still believe that the world plays by your rules and can be neatly divided into black and white, good and bad.

It’s such a nice feeling to still be optimistic. I am at the weekend of my life, when I have not yet encountered the ugly face of disappointment and there is only the gentle voice of anticipation to guide me. The rest of your life is the Sunday after, when you only have the memories of Saturday to outlast the fading weekdays.

I have to keep convincing myself that I am happy. I’ve reached a kind of satisfaction that I’ve seldom felt before; I know who I am and who I want to be. I’ve achieved a lot through hard work and luck and I know that there are still dues to pay. But part of the excitement is knowing that each day, regardless of the obstacles, is different than the last. Knowing that each day brings a new lesson learned and one step closer to self-fulfillment. It becomes clear that it is only the self-imposed phantom chains of doubt and discouragement that weigh us down.

We are insignificant and infinitely small among the gaseous giants of the universe. Perhaps I being pretentious to suggest that the meaning of life is simply to exist and be happy on this rotating sphere hurling through time and space. But to what end does even the tiniest single-celled organism find meaning and purpose? If we are loved and remembered, if we believe that we matter, than we do, regardless that we are overlooked by the universe and cast aside by the volatile star stuff that spurned us. The world is only as evil, and as beautiful, as we make it.

I exist in this brief moment of time. And I am filled with hope.

...

Thought I'd post pictures of my Hermione costume from the Deathly Hallows midnight premiere. I had so much fun!

I swung my tassel to the left side of my cap, knowing after graduation there would be no going back

2010-10-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

There was a furry creature in the girl’s dorm bathroom.

“Oh, god, that’s just gross.” I quickly backed out of the shower stall, placing as much distance between myself and the hairy monstrosity that lay tangled in the drain.

Each stall was its own germaphobic torture chamber; soap scum, hair (of different sorts), abandoned razors, and cloudy puddles of god-knows-what. I settled for the one least likely to contain some sort of fugus.

My floor’s RA made it her policy to leave a small radio turned on in the bathroom to make the watery, hair-ridden dungeon more bearable, but it did little to calm my nerves.

“…there’s a place downtown where the freaks all come around, it’s a hole in the wall, it’s a dirty free for all…” Ke$ha croaked on the radio.

To say the least, I’m not exactly a Ke$ha fan. “Dear god, just turn it off,” I mumbled under my breath as the cold water tumbled down my back.

“…take it off, everybody take it-” *click* The radio was suddenly silenced.

“Thank you, kind stranger!” I said from behind the shower curtain. I finished scrubbing in the shower and hurried to get ready for class.

The weather was beautiful today. It was perfect cardigan-wearing-warm-coffee-drinking-watching-the-sun-filter-through-the-darkening-leaves kind of weather. You forget how pretty natural light is after staring at computer screens for too long.

I sat stretched out on the lawn in front of the library, enjoying the sunshine and watching college students going to and fro across the plaza.

“I just…I just feel like there’s no chemistry anymore. I mean, I feel bad cheating on him, but what else could I do?” a voice behind me said. I sat on the grass, slowly chewing my lunch as I tried not to listen to the girl sitting next to me telling her friend about her recent adulterous behavior.

With so much activity going on around you, it’s hard not to eavesdrop on a college campus. You catch snippets of every day conversations everywhere you go; people talking on cell phones while walking to class, muffled voices leaking out of dorm rooms as you walk down the hall, conversations occurring while waiting in line.

However, I find it oddly comforting knowing that people are doing mundane social things. You always get that feeling that no matter where you go, people are having a good time, people are interacting, people are making new connections with single-serving or long-lasting friends. It’s not like high school, where the scent of loneliness and insecurity reeks everywhere you turn. Even when you’re alone, you know that there are people back home missing you and loving you, and you know that there are people here that want to enjoy one another’s company.

It is hard to be unhappy here.

I brushed the leaves off of my messenger bag and trudged back to my dorm. I sat atop my bunk bed, absentmindedly staring out the window. A couple was kissing under the nearby streetlamp. Like watching a silent film, I watched as they said their goodbyes before engaging in one last embrace. It made me wonder how many times my own narrative has coincided with others, how many times I’ve been the subject of someone’s wondering eyes, how, at times, I’ve made a cameo appearance in the lives of strangers.

You leave bits and pieces of yourself, drifting awash in the flux of humanity. But when the paradigm collapses, what do you truly leave behind?

…

This is the longest I’ve gone without writing a blog post and I feel terrible for being so absent from the blogsphere. If this blog was a neglected Tamagotchi pet, it would probably be dead by now.

So what has Where for Art Thou Romeo been up to? Well, I’ve been devoting most of my time and effort to various academic creative endeavors and, not to mention, engaging in social activities and gatherings pertinent to the college experience.

However taxing, I’ve been enjoying all of the assignments from my art class (W.A.R.P.) and here are some of the projects I’ve completed this semester:

The class was divided into groups of three and each group worked on a collaborative mural.

Our street art was even featured on the blog, The Zebra Owl!

My group's mural was titled, "Only Human" and it was meant to be a critique of technology's effect on society.

I also worked on a photography project, titled, "Pale Lights".

Here was the installation at the W.A.R.P. Haus art gallery:

I worked on a documentary photography project called, "McIntosh Village Ghost Tour".

In addition, I was a finalist for the Gainesville City in Motion Photography contest with my photograph, "Afternoon Cycle".

The other finalist's photographs can be seen here.

I also directed, edited, and composed the music for a short film called "Malaise".

As you can see, it's been a busy first semester for me at the University of Florida. I hope to post more frequently over Winter Break. Until then, happy holidays!

Life, I love you. All is groovy.

2010-09-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

(photos by Cliff, wearing a dress from Goodwill and sunglasses from Target)

It’s a getting-used-to process. A transition process. A process of the process of the process.

It’s finding familiarity in the unfamiliar, structure in the unstructured, balance in the imbalanced.

It’s getting used to inhabiting a small space with two other living beings, it’s getting used to the hair-ridden dorm showers and the girl who blasts Ke$ha at three o’clock in the morning.

It’s getting used to going to the bathroom at the same time with people you pass by everyday in the hall but don’t know their names.

It’s the dent in the ceiling that says, “Julia’s head 10/14/06”, it’s the hippie professor that brings his guitar to class and goes into a face-melting solo, it’s the mace you clutch in your hand when you walk back to your dorm late at night after the concert has ended.

It’s the 100 page textbook homework, the Hare Krishna karma-free lunch, the essays, and the late night runs to Mochi for frozen yogurt.

It’s when your dorm is an ice box and outside is the Sahara desert, it’s meeting strangers and getting asked the exact same questions over and over again, where are you from, what year are you, what dorm are you living in, what major are you studying.

It’s the winning football games, the laundry mat, the band flyers, the after parties, the smell of microwave dinners, sitting out on the lawn, the eccentric projects your art class assigns, the walks across campus in the rain.

But ever so often, the lack of privacy gets under your skin and you feel suffocated by the discrepancy. Sometimes all you want is a quiet place to curl into yourself and be alone, not feeling the eyes of others or hearing their stale conversations. But then, in that forlorn silence, when all you have is your barren thoughts and your soft heartbeat, you want nothing more than company. And you crave that connection to the fleeting, single-serving strangers you have become accustomed to. So you go out and seek it, and you find beauty in the small universe that you have become embedded into.

This is college. And I couldn’t be happier.

Carpe deim. Joie de vivre. Hakuna matata.

Head full of doubt, road full of promise

2010-08-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

"...summer gathers up her robes of glory,
And, like a dream, glides away."
- Sarah Helen Whitman

I hope all of your summers were rejuvenating, I hope you got swept off your feet and made new memories, and finished all of those projects you've been putting off. I hope you embrace the next season with excitement and anticipation and I hope you avoid heartbreak and disappointment.

I finally made it.
Life has been moving a hundred miles a minute and I've been thrown into the chaos. Gone is the relaxing summer afternoons, gone is my old life, gone is everything I've ever known.

I embrace the freedom of living on my own. I no longer inhabit the life of a co-dependent high school student, belonging instead to the next stage of development in my education and in my life.
I finally made it. I am now a student of the University of Florida.

The feeling hasn't hit me yet...feeling homesick and nostalgia for my friends and family. But it will. I know it will. There are times when I will make mistakes and look stupid, there are times when I will feel lost and afraid, small and insignificant. There are times when I will miss my cat's soft fur and when I will long for the familiarity and comfort of my old bedroom.
But I'm ready.
There are good times ahead as well, I can feel it. There are friends I have yet to meet, experiences I have yet to experience, and memories I have yet to make.
I'm ready.

...

Sorry for the lack of outfit posts. I'm still trying to find a photogenic, yet inconspicuous, spot on campus to pose for pictures. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these pictures I've taken from my iPhone.
All of the below photos are unedited and raw, and I've taken them from random spots on campus and other places.
You never know when inspiration finds you.

Control yourself, take only what you need from it

2010-07-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

All pictures taken by myself and by Lisa.
Wearing: dress - Forever 21, blazer - Urban Outfitters, sunglasses - Target

I was greeted by the high pitched squeals of small children when I walked into work on Sunday.

I sighed deeply as I walked behind the customer service desk and attached my name tag to my shirt. Rubbing my tired eyes, I sat down on the swivel chair and surveyed the room.
I had arrived in the midst of a Buzz Light-year themed birthday party, complete with screaming tots and a Toy Story cake.

A couple of bathing suit clad hooligans streaked past the desk, laughing like hyenas and leaving a trail of water throughout the community center.
I inched up in my seat and peered over the looming desk to look outside. The swimming pool was a mess of activity. Little kids everywhere.
Through the window, I saw one of my co-workers mouth the words, “No running!” to a couple of small girls in pink bathing suits who continued to ignore him.
I plopped back down on my seat and sighed for the second time.

A little while later, after the presents had been opened and the cake had been consumed, the hyped up kiddies were ushered into the swimming pool to the relief of the worn out parents.

I was explaining my theories about the new Christopher Nolan movie, Inception, to one of my co-workers when I heard the sound of children yelling outside.
One of my other co-workers walked in.
“Fecal matter in the pool,” he said grimly.

I got up and walked out to the patio. A horde of miniature party goers were crowding around the pool, craning their necks to look in the water.
“Somebody pooped in the pool!” one of them shrieked. He was met with a resounding chorus of, “Ewwwwww!” by the other children.

“All right, everybody out! The pool is closed for the rest of the day!”

After the masses had picked up and left and the pool had been decontaminated, I was met with the beautiful sound of…silence. I half expected a tumble weed to blow through the facility.
We finished cleaning up and enjoyed peace and quiet for the rest of the afternoon.
Just another day on the job.

...

Later on, at around midnight, Dante and I pulled up to the McDonald’s parking lot and walked inside.

I jerked open the door and walked up to the counter. The place was deserted.
“Small French fries and one apple pie, please,” I said to the tired looking server.
“Would you like two, ma’am?”
“No, that’s ok, I only want once.”
“It’s the same price.” She looked at me from behind the resister.
“I’m fine, thank you, I just want one. Did you know that in Japan, the big sodas and the small sodas cost the same price in the vending machines?”
“Really? That’s cool! So you’ve been to Japan?”
I snorted, “I wish. But I just like that concept, you know? Just take what you need. I’m only going to eat one apple pie, so why buy two?”
She smiled, “Well, your order will be ready soon.”
I turned away from the counter and maneuvered around the janitor who was mopping the floor.

Dante was talking to someone on his cell phone; he made a face at me and sat down at a table. When my food was ready, I scooted down next to him and extracted my warm fries from the bag.

...

After we had finished our late night snack, we piled back into his car and drove home.
We arrived at my house and stood for a minute leaning against his car in silence. The streetlight projected a beam of light that encircled the driveway, trapping us within its glare.

I broke through the silence. “You know, it’s scary and kinda sad to think that our lives will never be the same again after this summer. We will never exist in this state of mind, we will never exist in this moment ever again,” I mused.
He nodded sadly, “Soon we’ll be saying goodbye to everyone we know.”

It’s true. This is the last time that I will ever truly belong in my house with my parents. After this summer, my home will never quite feel the same way again when I come to visit from college. My relationship with my family and friends will always be just a bit off, just a bit out of tick; a morphed version of what it used to be.

I’ll always be longing for this summer with a kind of fuzzy minded nostalgia. I’ll always be looking back to this time period and I’ll miss the mundane moments, the annoying moments, and the carefree moments. This will always be the summer before the rest of my life.

“But I just like that concept, you know? Just take what you need.”
Enjoy it while you can, just take what you need.

Facing the android's conundrum, I felt like I should just cry

2010-07-14T16:40:00.000-07:00

All photos by me
Wearing: tank top - Target, skirt - Urban Outfitters

Redyed my hair. Goodbye blue/green highlights, hello purple highlights.

I carry around an innate, ever present bundle of guilt, packaged and bottled from before I was born.
I feel guilty for being American, for being white, for being…human.
I carry the crimes of my ancestors, the crimes of my species, and I feel ashamed.

I can’t help but long that I had the power to correct their past mistakes, wishing that I could undo Hiroshima, the slave trade, the Trail of Tears, the Gulf Sea oil spill.

I’m sick of being the bastard child of aggression and supremacy, I’m sick of being ensnared within the thorned branches of the Homo sapiens family tree reaching out for the fruits of reason and mercy.
I can’t shake this guilt.

I carry past burdens, but also my own guilt.
It’s there when I throw away the left-overs I can’t bring myself to eat and I picture the 16,000 children that die every day from starvation.
It’s there when I drive by the ghettos and slums and when I can’t meet the eyes of the homeless man daring me to look into his face, because I know why they’re there, I know about the social weeds planted centuries ago that they are still trying to untangle themselves from.
It’s there when I throw away my trash and the items come to life in my head, where I can see every piece of discarded garbage rotting in a stinking land fill.

And as much as I try to suppress these feelings and bury them deep, I can’t.
They resurface again and again, like the plastic trash that litters our oceans, bobbing along the currents of my brain.

But sometimes I wish this curse upon others, sometimes I wish that more people would see the way I do.
And then maybe they would realize that it’s better to be the steering wheel rather than the tires that drive off the cliff.

But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall, then I think we would see the beauty

2010-06-28T12:42:00.001-07:00

This summer, I’ve committed myself to exploring works of art.
In my desire to become more cultured and knowledgeable, I’ve composed lists of critically acclaimed movies that I want to watch and classically renowned books that I want to read.
I want to explore music, poetry, artwork, philosophy. I want to explore everything humanity has to offer, everything within the realm of my understanding, everything within my tastes and appreciation. And not just the classics, but pop culture as well, indie culture or hipster culture, whatever you want to call it.

In my quest for knowledge and culture, one of the books I’ve started reading is The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. While reading, I stumbled upon a quote that seemed particularly appropriate:

“…we all take such pains to over-educate ourselves. In the wild struggle for existence, we want to have something that endures, and so we fill our minds with rubbish and facts, in the silly hope of keeping our place. The thoroughly well-informed man – this is the modern ideal. And the mind of the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing."

I had to stop and reread that passage because it was so overwhelmingly true.
In myself and in others, I’ve found that we all want to impress people. I want to understand references and allusions made by others and to hold my own in a conversation between intellectuals.
But it is only trivial knowledge if it is used as a selfish device to appear superior and advanced.

Some people think that beautiful people are intimidating, and that may be true, but in my opinion there is nothing more intimidating than someone who is more knowledgeable and intelligent than yourself. I think that it spawns from the inherent fear that intelligent people are always judging and criticizing those less intelligent than themselves. Which, most often than not, is true.

So we fill our heads with the masterpieces of others, trying to outdo one another, casually inserting obscure references to films or bands in everyday conversation in an effort to sound educated. It becomes a cultural arms race that lacks basic meaning and truth.
We try to makes ourselves relevant as to not be forgotten.

But in the end, it doesn’t really matter if we can argue the differences between Plato or Socrates or if we know all the lyrics to Bob Dylan or if we can list Stanley Kubrick’s movies or if we can quote Shakespeare.
What matters is what we do with this knowledge.
We should let it inspire us to create our own masterpieces, to leave our own mark on the world. We should let their works be a monument to the creative greatness and intellectual depth that humanity can achieve.
And if nothing more, we should just sit back and enjoy what they created.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way

2010-06-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

(all photos taken by either my dad or myself. Outfit: romper - Ross, hat - garage sale)

It’s as hard to fall out of a routine as it is to adjust to one. I’ve been falling out of a routine of high school and I’ve been falling into a routine of summer.

It’s hard when you’re accustomed to an ever present burden on your back that suddenly isn’t there anymore, like when a tooth falls out and you can’t stop sliding your tongue over the empty place where it used to be. That burden is gone, never feeling its full weight until it was finally lifted from my aching back.

Suddenly, standing in the bright Florida sunshine and sparkling beaches, you have to wonder to yourself what you were so damn stressed about. Why little things mattered so much to you, why you stressed, and angst-ed, and emo-ed over…nothing.
Anxious phantoms that now dissolved in the sunlight, hidden demons that now fled from the vivid sun.

It’s…weird.

I’m shell shocked.
My restless brain still churns out nightmares of exams and projects and tests and studying, unable to cope with a stress-less existence.
A cranial allergy.
Like when the body creates an immune response to pollen or pet dander, thinking that it needs to protect the body from a pathogen or disease; a nonexistent threat. (I learned that in biology class.)
That’s why my mind won’t let me go and turn me loose.
A nonexistent threat.

But they don’t teach you how to live in school, how to enjoy life, how to enjoy summer. There’s no class for that.
But I’m learning, slowing. Coming back into the world, rediscovering the meaning of “fun” and “happiness”.

I’m learning.

But if I wait for a holiday could it ever stop my fear?

2010-05-30T08:57:00.000-07:00

Before my last day of high school, my good friend Molly and I decided to imitate one of my favorite movies of all time, Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

I decided to make a video of us playing hooky.
And so, without further ado, here is Juliette and Molly's Day Off:

Also, in keeping with the theme, Vampire Weekend released their new music video, "Holiday", filled with beaches and wig-powdery goodness.

Been a long road to follow...

2010-05-21T22:51:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking a lot. About the future. About my future.
It’s what’s on the mind of every high school graduate, of every parent of every high school graduate.

It's when we display awarded trinkets, tied around our necks and pinned to our robes, when we receive slips of paper acknowledging our departure from the institution.

I’m torn between wanting to relive my high school experience or running as far away as I can. I’m torn between wanting to laugh and smile or shout “FU!” and spit in their faces.
With each familiar weight that is lifted off of my chest, another one takes its place.
It certainly wasn’t The Breakfast Club or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or the Disney Channel. I want my money back. The real high school experience is no movie I would pay to see.

I feel like I have a unique perspective, dabbling in almost every social clique. Never quite feeling belonged in any one group, never quite finding my one niche. I’ve been a cheerleader, a writer, a nerd, a Book Club president, a drama geek, a lacrosse player, a school news anchor, a performer, a photographer.
I’m not defined by my activities and my activities don’t define me. How can you define the indescribable?
Yet in all of this complexity, high school has given me a complete image of myself. If anything, I know who I am and who I want to be. You can’t begin your journey if you don’t know where you’re starting from.
I hope that the same can be said for my fellow graduates.

I’ve been thinking a lot. About the future. About their future.
We could be in the midst of making life-changing decisions. We could be in the midst of making mistakes.
I look around. I wonder about who will have their hearts broken. I wonder about who will become lawyers and doctors, soldiers and artists, who will create our cures and make our laws and give us speeding tickets and wash our cars and serve our food and design our clothes. I wonder about who will become alcoholics, who will become thieves or rapists or bums. I wonder about who will give up on their dreams and who will go on to be written in the history books.
I wonder about all of these things.

Such promise, such life. My generation, their future, my future, the future.
I hope we make something of ourselves. I hope we go on to lead lives of integrity and harmony. I hope we find fulfillment, I hope we find happiness, I hope we find true love and get married and have kids who will be inspired by our decade. I hope we come back to our high school reunions with stories to tell of our adventures and accomplishments.
I hope so, I truly do.

Here’s to you Class of 2010.

(photos by me, wearing: dress - Goodwill, shoes and polka dot tights - Target)

There are patterns I must follow

2010-05-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

(All photos by me. Wearing a shirt from H&M, necklace from Claire's, my mom's 80's earrings, and my dad's 80's sunglasses)

A little fella I rescued in the pool:

My favorite part of the day is sundown.

When my little cat jumps on the window still to bide the sun goodbye. When the hazy, brilliant lights seeps through my curtains, staining my walls with golden pools. When I watch suburban cars arrive home from work, and when people walk their dogs. When I rehearse monologues and dialogues in my head, playing out scenes from the day.

I am content, relaxed; sprawled on my back as I sink below the encroaching night and escape the disappearing golden rays.

I achieve complete serenity for a while.
For a while.

Whatever romantic song that suits my fancy turns ‘round and ‘round on the turntable, spinning my emotions and tangling my heart.

“As I lie upon my bed
In the early evening gloom.
Impaled on my wall
My eyes can dimly see
The pattern of my life
And the puzzle that is me”

Softly.

There.

Above me, the ceiling my dad and I painted when I was younger; an artificial blue sky complete with brushstrokes of billowing clouds.

Below me, the eggshell carpet that my parents picked out.

Around me, cluttered posters of obscure bands, movies, pictures, paintings, poetry; ripped from magazines, stolen from lampposts outside of concert halls.

My home. My space.

I remember reading an article once in a scientific magazine. It said that people stop smelling scents after a while, and become accustomed to the aroma around them. An evolutionary trait left over from our primate ancestors.
It gave the analogy of a bunny hiding from predators in a flower bush. At first, the bunny can smell the flowers, but after a short while it stops smelling it to catch the scent of approaching foxes.
The smell does not disappear, the bunny just stops smelling the flowers in order to react to the threat of danger.

It made me think about how maybe our eyes perform the same trick. After a while, we stop seeing the things that are right in front of us. We overgrow the sights around us.
They don’t stop existing, we just stop seeing them.

I’m grown accustomed to my room, my house, my town, I’ve lost the ability to gaze around me with virgin eyes.

Perhaps when I return here, after growing accustomed to my college dorm, I will be able to re-smell the flower bush where I once hid before fleeing from foxes.
And I can gaze at the artifacts with fresh eyes; a eulogy of someone who once existed here, someone who once occupied this space.

But for now, I am just a girl lying on her back, listening to records from a time different than her own and wishing for a change of scenery.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns

2010-05-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

“Romeo, save me, I’ve been feeling so alone,” I whispered into his ear.

We gently swayed on the dance floor, locked in each other’s arms as the DJ played Taylor Swift’s "Love Story".

I was lost in his heartbeat, in his crystalline eyes, and his smooth kisses.
“You’ll be the prince, and I’ll be the princess,” Taylor cooed over the loud speakers.
How appropriate, I thought.
Because in that moment, however corny it may sound, I really did feel like a princess.
All of my stress over the past few weeks from exams and graduation, faded into the shadows. And it was you, only you, who graced my thoughts that night.

For every lonely high school homecoming and for every slow dance spent sitting alone, this night made up for it. My senior prom was everything I’d hoped it would be and more.

The song ended and he gracefully lowered me into a dip. He drew his lips close to mine and we kissed.
I couldn’t have asked for a better fairy tale ending.

For every lady, there is a gentleman. For every princess, there is a prince. And for every Juliet, there is a Romeo.

(Wearing a Scala dress and my mom's diamond necklace. Pictures by myself, Trish, or my dad.)

After prom ended we all went to the midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show (yes, like in The Perks of Being a Wallflower!).

Time Warp anyone?

Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

P.S. I was featured on the How Hipsters Date blog, check it out!

This will be our year, took a long time to come

2010-04-22T05:32:00.000-07:00

(All photos by me. What I'm wearing: dress - Urban Outfitters, tights - Target, heels - Payless, hat - my grandmother's, sunglasses - my dad's Ray Bans from the 80's)

I stared up at the little metal canister, looking at my distorted face in its reflection.
“But daddy, it will be forever until I'm 18!”
My dad smiled down at my 7 year old self.
“Don’t worry; it will be here before you know it. And then you get to open your time capsule.” He patted the canister. It read, “To be opened by Juliette Sicard on April 22, 2010.”
“What’s inside it Dad? Tell me, please!”
“Well, it’s nothing valuable, it’s not car keys or anything,” he laughed.
Well that destroyed my theory. Maybe it’s filled with jewelry or money or something…
“I guess you’ll just to have wait and find out.”
Back then 2010 seemed so far away…so far into the future.
And now that day has arrived.

When my twin sister and I were born, our parents put together a time capsule that we would open on our 18th birthday. Yesterday, after having dinner with our family and my boyfriend, Cliff, we finally opened our time capsules.

It was filled with trinkets from my ancestors and baby items from when I was little, items containing history from my past and my family's.
The hardest thing was reading letters from people who aren't with us today, family members who planned on sharing this day with us. It was very emotional to say the least.
There was a Zippo lighter from my grandfather, brooches from my grandmother, great-mother, and great-great-mother, pins, stamps, rings, baby booties, pearls, coins, a key, and a tape my dad made.
All in all, it was quite magical opening the time capsule.

Beautiful antique owl bookends from my boyfriend:

But opening my time capsule isn’t the only perk of turning 18. Here’s a list of some of the activities that I can do now that I’m 18:

Get a tattoo or piercing
Go to jail
Vote (I will have to wait until 2012 for this one)
Buy a pack of cigarettes
Change my name
Become a stripper
Buy a house or car
Skydive
Join the military
Visit a porn site
Buy a monkey (I’m not making this up)
Sue somebody
Get married
Buy a lotto ticket
Adopt a child

So there are lots of fun things to do now that I'm officially an "adult".
I definitely don't feel like an adult yet. I haven't had that climatic moment when I feel like I'm ready to be on my own, to exist in this world as a fully functioning, independent person. I'm still in my coming of age stage, I'm still in the middle of my bildungsroman (isn't that a fun word to say?) and my character hasn't learned that important life lesson yet when they've finally matured and grown as a person.
Or maybe it's already happened and I just don't know it.

You never feel like your age on your birthday, but you don't feel like your previous age either.
I don't think it really hits you until the middle of the year, that's when you finally realize how old you are.
Regardless, the fact remains that I'm 18 years old now. I can move out of my house if I want, quit school and get a job. But I'm not ready for that. There's still more growing up for me to do.

I just want to thank to my sister, boyfriend, friends and family for making this day special, people who love me and care about me, people who are happy that I was born today.
Oh, and I hope everyone had a great Earth Day.

Springtime in New York (Part 2)

2010-04-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

This city breathes with life; a multi-cellular organism of interconnected cells. I feel lost and at home at the same time, connected yet disconnected.
I feel like a foreign particle, desperately trying to disguise myself among the cellular activity, fearing that at any moment an anti-body will cart me away, revealed as an impostor.

My eagerness gives me away, my curiosity and my enthusiasm.
I'm so excited by the mundane; pigeons splashing in puddles, a cop riding a horse, couples sipping coffee, vendors on the street, bouquets of flowers, yellow cabs, street signs, light reflecting off of buildings.

I’m overwhelmed, every sense on overdrive. My eyes search hungrily, seeking out the soul of the city.
I stare at people out of the corner of my eye on the subway, dissecting strangers with my eyes. So much life, so much diversity; the clothes, the people, the languages, the accents; I soak everything in.

Snippets of conversations, stolen kisses between lovers, I am invisible and visible at the same time, seen yet unseen. You could stand on a single street corner for a year and still not fully understand it and see its true form. So much activity, so much life.
People are not afraid to be who they’re really meant to be here. And from that uniqueness, there is unity.
United by individualism.
People aren’t afraid to be themselves.
I can’t get enough of that feeling, of that freedom.

I feel like I’m at the center of the universe.

(all photos taken by either myself, my dad or random strangers)

Times Square

My dad upsetting pigeons

Subway

Statue of Liberty

The stage for the musical, Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson

Brooklyn Bridge

Inside St. Patrick's Cathedral

Rockefeller Center

Eating dinner in Times Square

My twin sister, Jacqueline, and I (don't you love her yellow trench coat?)

Watching Green Day's American Idiot on Broadway

Jacqueline and I on Good Morning America. We got to be on TV! (We also saw the taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon but no cameras were allowed in the studio.)

Soho

Dumbo

New York, I love you.

Springtime in New York (Part 1)

2010-04-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

“Start spreaadddin’ the newwssss! I’m leavin’ todaayyyy, I want to be a part of it! New York, New York!”

My mom shot me an annoyed look.
“Hey, finish packing, we have to leave soon.”

"-and find I’m king of the hill! Top of the heap!” I sang from the top of the stairs.

“Juliette! Finish packing NOW.”

“Geez, mom, just trying to get everybody in the mood.” I turned the volume up on my speakers, letting Mr. Sinatra take over.

After stuffing articles of clothing in my suitcase, we said our goodbyes to the pets, loaded up the car, and drove to the airport.
Despite the initial rush to catch our flight, the rest of the plane ride was smooth sailing. I settled in with my Rollingstone magazine and the sweet sounds of Vampire Weekend and awaited our descent to the Big Apple.

After several hours, I could finally see the outline of skyscrapers from my window. We flew over the city, the sparkling buildings and hazy horizon sent shivers of excitement through my body.

I want to be a part of it, New York, New York...

After a safe landing, we gathered our suitcases and boarded the subway. I slowly ascended the stairs; the ethereal sunlight and sounds of the city floated down into the dark subway tunnel. Nothing short of what Harry Potter must have felt like entering Hogwarts, or the Pevensie children entering Narnia through the wardrobe, I emerged from the subway and stepped out into New York City.

For a long time New York has existed inside my head, an imaginary place that I’ve escaped to in my daydreams. I’ve constructed imaginary conversations between contemporary urbanites in this romantic dream land, images stolen from movies and photographs that I’ve recycled over and over again in my mind.
But now to finally see the city, to find it living, breathing, and tangible...is so surreal. I have to keep convincing myself that it’s real and that I’m really here. I have to keep convincing myself that it exists, that it’s not some fictitious fantasy world.

I love everything about this city, my home for the next six days. And it has lived up to my expectations.

We trudged down the narrow hallway, burdened with our bags. The apartment was small, but cozy, with modern decorations and a beautiful view of the street.

"We've got a big day planned tomorrow! Get some rest, sweetie," my dad smiled.

After we unpacked and I had changed into my pajamas, I laid down on the pull out sofa bed. As I drifted off to sleep, I sang softly into my pillow, mouthing the words, “I want to wake up, in a city that never sleeps…”

New York, New York...

(photos taken by either myself, my dad, or random strangers on the street)

Central Park

in our apartment

turkey burger at The Boathouse restaurant

The 39 Steps play with my family

Fuerza Bruta show

To be continued...

You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows

2010-03-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

(photos taken by my dad and with my tripod
wearing a tan blazer from local flea market, my dad's 80's button down shirt, leggings from Target, heels from Payless, and my mom's Dior sunglasses and earrings, also from the 80's)

Currently, with President Obama passing the health care bill and all this talk about how America is becoming more socialist, I feel the need to express my political opinions.

I’m no pundit or anything. I’m usually wary of when people my age discuss politics, knowing that usually what they say is tidbits of information heard at the dinner table from their parents.
Well, I guess the same goes for me; we’re all influenced by what our elders say.
However, I’ve tried to keep an open mind, listening to the opinions of both my peers and my teachers, and from the news, hearing both sides of the argument.

I’m disillusioned by the greed and selfishness of capitalism in our government. However, I believe in personal freedom and having the freedom to pursue happiness in this life, freedoms that are available to us because of the government we have. But at the same time, the altruist in me sees the benefit of helping our fellow man, of more evenly distributing the wealth with people who are less fortunate.

Is universal health care really such a bad thing? Is providing insurance to people who need it but can’t afford it so wrong?
True, maybe in America’s current economic state, this bill may not be the best thing right now. But I support what the bill advocates.

Anyway, it’s not my intention to offend anybody. The freedom to safely state our opinions is what it’s all about, right?

I know I have a lot of international readers, and I would love to hear your opinions as well as from my fellow yanks. What is the health care like in your country? What are your thoughts on universal health care?

When do you think it will all become clear, because I'm being taken over by the fear

2010-03-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

(shirt - Goodwill, skirt - Macy's, tights - Target, heels - Payless. Photos by me.)

“Who’s ready to get naked?”
We all laughed as we began undressing after our matinee show. Another successful performance; we were all in high spirits. I went into a corner and shed my costume, slipping into my normal street clothes.

As I was taking off my dress, a small brown movement caught my eye.
Hey, what’s tha-OHMYGOD A SPIDER!
I shrieked and dropped my clothes.
“AH! SPIDER!”
A stream of profanities escaped from my mouth as I hopped around the room.
“KILL IT! KILL IT!”
My cast mates stared.

Suddenly, Jeff burst into the room, waving his shoe in the air and wearing only his boxers.
“WHERE IS IT?”
“THERE! THERE! KILL IT!”
He descended on the spider with a mighty blow, slamming his shoe on the carpet.
The spider crumpled next to my tote bag, slain.
“My work here is done.”

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been scared of spiders and snakes. I suppose it’s an irrational fear, like most other fears, but I can’t help fearing the little critters anyway.
I think it’s the way they move, their legs, or lack of it, give me the heebie jeebies.

Although some fears remain the same, there are some fears I’ve outgrown.
For example, when I was really young, I used to be scared of bathrooms, wolves, and the deep end of swimming pools.

I always swam in the shallow end of the pool. For whatever reason, I was frightened that some invisible shark lurked in the deep end, ready to pull me under when people weren’t looking.

Besides swimming pools, I was also scared of restrooms when I was little. To this day, I’m still not quite sure why I was scared of bathrooms. I just remember hating closing the door and feeling trapped and surrounded by mirrors. I used to dread going to the bathroom or taking showers alone, and using public restrooms by myself.
The first thing I would do when I went into a bathroom was to throw open the shower curtain. I finished my business as fast as I could and sprinted out, going into the kitchen to wash my hands.

I remember one incident when I was 7 years old and a babysitter was over watching my sister and I. She was sitting downstairs working on homework and I needed to use the bathroom upstairs. Ashamed, I finally worked up the courage to ask her to go upstairs with me and wait by the door until I finished.
It was something I always felt embarrassed about, and my cousins, misunderstanding my fear, used to tease me that “the toilet monster was coming to get me”.

When I younger, I also had a fear of dogs/wolves, mostly due to an accident with a policeman’s German Sheppard who bite my face when I was a toddler. The scary wolf in the movie The Never Ending Story and the demented dog in Wishbone’s The Hound of the Baskervilles only reinforced my fear of canines. The growling beasts haunted my nightmares and made me the cat person I am today.

However, now that I’m older, I’ve made peace with dogs, swimming pools and bathrooms, and I’ve outgrown those fears.
And now my fears are replaced with new worries.

As high school comes to an end...I’m worried about my future.

I try and look to the future and…I’m scared.
I'm scared of never finding true love. I'm scared of forgetting my dreams, and dying, lost and unfulfilled. I'm scared of never achieving happiness. I'm scared of life passing me by.
I'm scared of all these things.
So scared that sometimes it bubbles up inside me and I feel like my chest is being sucked into a black vortex.

I start college next year and I’m filled with conflicting emotions of excitement and fear.
I feel like I’m not prepared for the real world yet. I still don’t know how to change a tire, or pay bills, or cook something other than microwave dinners.
Am I ready to live on my own?
I’d like to think that I am, but I’m not so sure anymore.

But I know that I’ll overcome these fears eventually, like the others. Sometimes all it takes is taking the plunge in the deep end or finally closing the bathroom door.

I walked over to the dead spider, its brown body lying limp on the ground.

It looked smaller than I thought.

“Where’s my thanks for saving your life?” Jeff picked up his shoe and brushed himself off.
“See? There was nothing to be afraid of. You’re so crazy sometimes Juliette.”

Here's my photos from the cast party later that night (yes we had a pinata!):

If you never say your name out loud to anyone, they can never ever call you by it

2010-03-07T11:41:00.000-08:00

As my longtime readers know, I’m involved in my school’s drama club. What some of my readers might not know is that my drama club is currently putting on a production of Arthur Miller’s All My Sons and I’m playing the character of Sue Bayliss.

I’ve always loved playing eccentric characters; the ghost possessed psychic in The Uninvited, the schizophrenic in Check, Please, and the bumbling yet lovable dwarf Doc in Snow White. I’ve been a cat, a flying reindeer, a three little pig, a mouse, a chain-rattling ghost, a munchkin, a boy (twice), a cockney pauper, a maniac cannibal, a little girl, a lackey, a Holocaust victim, a British doctor, a mother, and many others.

In theater, I gain the superpower of transformation. I have the ability to become another person entirely different than my own.
Who doesn’t wish they could take a break from themselves?

I exist in a different universe, a world spawned from the imaginings of a single person, The Playwright. This person becomes God, they become the puppeteer of my world and I am at the mercy of their scripted will. Unlike my character, I know the path and the inevitable future of the play, but I am helpless to control the story. I can only become a channel of emotions and feelings, a can only resurrect a dead character on paper and give it life on stage.

I shed the familiar skin of Juliette and I am given a new face plastered in make-up. I am given different hair and clothes, a persona alien to my own. I suddenly have a different mindset, a different philosophy on life, a living, breathing person with different memories than myself and different aspirations and dreams. And when it’s over, I come back into myself, reborn with a new appreciation of the unscripted world we live in.

Maybe it’s the lonely attention-seeker in me, but I love being recognized. I love being acknowledged when I’m on stage, I love being stared at, I love stepping out from the shadows and standing center stage where I can be seen and heard. Perhaps this sounds egotistical, but it’s the truth. We all secretly wish to be seen and noticed. We all need to be needed. For even without the smallest character, the play would be altered. In theater, everyone matters onstage; we all feel wanted. Sometimes I feel like that feeling is missing in real life.

Here are the pictures from the production:
(photos taken by Kailey)

The set:

The cast (we were told to be in character for the picture):

My onstage husband, Nick:

My 1940's costume and hair do:

Waiting for our ship to come but our ships not coming back, we do our time like pennies in a jar, but what are we saving for?

2010-03-04T00:47:00.000-08:00

(dress and belt from Goodwill, my mom's 80's Dior glasses)

“There was this kid I used to know, who had a disability.”
We were sitting in his car, talking, late one Saturday night.
“his arm muscles didn’t form properly, so he was limited in arm movement. He could barely hold a phone up to his ear.”
I stared down at my hands, feeling both ashamed and proud of my mobile limbs.
“and he was dyslexic as well; he had to cope with all of these misfortunes growing up. It made me sad to think that he was born with these problems, while I was healthy, it wasn’t fair. I could be doing so much more with my life.”
I nodded, our feelings reciprocal.

It’s true. We often forget our blessings.
Our parents advocate the “things could always be worse” mentality, but that never makes you feel better when your girlfriend or boyfriend breaks up with you or when you fail a math test or when you get in a fender bender or when your dog runs away.
How can you put things into perspective when you’re dealing with your own problems?
We forget to realize that it’s not the end of the world. We forget that we could be child soldiers in Africa or orphan prostitutes in India or sweat shop workers in China or living, homeless and uprooted, in Chile or Haiti.
We forget all of these things.

It’s scary to think about.
Sometimes I feel like we’re constantly walking across a minefield, one false step and everything could blow up in our face. We have a false sense of security, a false sense of invincibility.

It reminds me of an incident last summer.

During my summer vacation, I had a fascination with rainbow scarab beetles. The little emerald and ruby-colored-horned beauties are native to where I live in Florida and have the detrimental habit of falling into our swimming pool. I had a routine of waking up and making my rounds around the pool, scooping them out with my dad’s net. I formed a one woman beetle rescue squad, saving them from certain watery death.

I remember one time, after successfully rescuing a small jeweled beetle, another movement in the pool caught my eye.
Another beetle must have fallen in! I rushed over to the edge, net in hand, ready to save the drowning beetle from the pool’s cold, chlorine clutches. But it wasn’t a scarab beetle, it was just a bee.
Disappointed, I turned away.

I didn’t get far from the pool until I stopped and went back.
I watched the bee for a moment, flailing around in the water, its iridescent wings water logged. Near the bee, I saw two large black ants drowning as well. One was clutching at its dying brother, holding on for dear life to get away from the cruel water.
I stared. It was almost sad to watch.
I turned away and went back inside the house.

As the day went on my thoughts kept returning to the drowning insects. Why didn’t I save them too? Was it because I was busy? Was I tired or had other pressing matters to attend to? No. I didn’t save them because I was lazy. I didn’t save them because I didn’t feel like it. I didn’t save them because I valued the beetle’s lives more than the ants and the bees. And why? Because the beetles were more pretty and colorful then the lesser insects. Life forms that didn’t deserve to be saved.

It got me thinking about god and our place in the universe.
Maybe certain people are favored over others. Maybe our god is too lazy to save the other pathetic humans because he doesn’t feel like it. We are just ants to the universe. Who’s to say our species deserves more merit than others?
It’s hard to think about the fact that maybe we are all just drowning helplessly in a pool, at the mercy of a more advanced life form. The beetles are saved while the ants drown due to divine negligence.

I looked up at him.
“It makes me feel hollow inside.”
He drew me close and we kissed.
We got out of the car and walked inside to watch the movie we had rented, relived to be so fortunate.

We've got a set amount of heartbeats we're given

2010-03-01T05:10:00.000-08:00

(Tracy Feith for Target raincoat, Converse tennis shoes, Minuet green dress from thrift store)

It doesn't matter what age you are, everybody's got a Bucket List (and no, you don't have to be Morgan Freedman or Jack Nicholson either).

They're usually pretty much the same with everyone, following a basic pattern of:
1. a travel destination
2. doing something daring
(in my case, going to New York City and Tokyo, backpacking Europe, and hang-gliding)

What people are more reluctant to share, however, are their Secret Bucket Lists. Namely, a list of embarrassing or silly or surprising things they've always wanted to do; a list that they keep hidden inside, tucked away in the back of their minds.

And so, because I don't know the meaning of the word "secret" I am going to share my Secret Bucket List:

1. Go to Comic-con or another equally nerdy convention and actually dress up in a costume.

2. Date a man from another race (wouldn't it be racist not to? Think about it.)

3. Be a street performer for a day

4. Punch somebody (who deserves it) as hard as I can in the face

5. Visit a nudist colony (I mean, what's it really like in there??)

6. Take part in a protest or strike

7. Save a kitten from a tree (it does happen in real life, right? Right?)

8. Be an extra in a movie

9. Go for an entire day speaking in a foreign accent (*ahem* presumably British, because those accents are sexy)

10. Adopt two cats and name them Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer

So there you have it folks.
I dare you to tell somebody one thing from your Secret Bucket List. Or better yet, actually go out and get started on it.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair...

2010-02-28T15:41:00.000-08:00

"Who here hates waking up in the cold snow after a night of merriment? I know I do! Well, I've got just the thing for you ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...the Burly!"
Cliff and I burst out laughing.
"Like a medieval Snuggie!" I loudly whisper to him.
"He's like a 16th century Billy Mayes."
We giggle, clutching at each others arms.
The Renaissance Salesman then proceeded to put on a Snuggie made out of burlap to demonstrate his product to the modern dressed audience.
"And for those of you who like comfort we also sell Memory Foam pillows! See," he places a square piece of burlap on the dirt, "it molds to the ground!"
We laugh loudly, and everyone gives a round of applause. Weaving our way through the crowd, we continued on our way through the Renaissance Fair.

There were Gypsies and pirates, peasants and princesses, a hodgepodge of incense, turkey legs, tights, swords, and mythical creatures.
In other words, complete nerd paradise.
I was in hog heaven.

Cliff and I wandered around, hand in hand, taking pictures and pausing to look at booths.
We saw sword fights, jugglers, talking plants, got Henna tattoos, went through a maze, shot arrows, and yes, we did eat a monster turkey leg.
It was amazing.

As he drove me home, I sat in his car listening to classic rock and contemplating the day. I felt tired, but it was that satisfied weariness you get after having an adventure. It was nice.

"Alas, goodnight my lord," I said curtsying after I got out of the car.
"Farewell, my lady."

Send a heartbeat to the void that cries through you, relive the pictures that have come to pass

2010-02-24T19:29:00.000-08:00

navy cape thingy - garage sale, flats - Goodwill, scarf - thrift store, turtleneck - on sale at Express

(Today's outfit was inspired by Natalie Portman, who is basically my celebrity idol. Besides starring alongside Hayden Christensen in Star Wars, she's been in uber cool indie flicks as well. I mean, who doesn't love this chick?)

One sunny day in 1955 a man smiles at a woman in the midst of a Boy Scout Rally. They stop and talk to one another. He later asks her out on a date.

Across the Pacific Ocean in Korea during 1952, a young soldier chats with a friend. He shows him a picture of his sister. The soldier takes an interest and writes the girl a letter. They exchange letters for several months. After the war, they meet for the first time.

During the year 1987 in Florida, two young yuppies talk on the phone about business matters. The conversation turns to their similar interest in music and the man then asks the woman on a blind date. After taking her to dinner, they wait in line to get tickets to the Genesis concert they will go see on their second date.

The year is 1992 and the man and woman are older. The woman has tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant and has suffered many miscarriages. However, on the 5th try, nature finally takes its course. An egg is fertilized. However, simultaneously, another egg drops and is also fertilized. The woman is blessed with two twin girls.

That woman is my mother. One of those twin girls is me.

I think it’s interesting to think about all the events that had to fall into place to ensure your own existence.

So many small outcomes could have prevented my being here; so many odds could have prevented my birth. What if it had rained during the Boy Scout Rally, causing it to be canceled? What if my grandfather had bunked with another man besides my grandmother’s brother and never saw her picture? What if my parents had neglected to make that business call to one another? And to think that once all of those fateful meetings had taken place, what greater power ensured my existence? What made my egg so lucky to have survived when so many others before had aborted, and what chance caused mine to drop when it did when a woman has about a 3% percent chance of having twins? It reminds me of a quote I once read from Watchmen:

“And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter...and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability...that is the crowning unlikelihood."

Order from chaos, chaos from order. Everything in order, and order in everything. Do all of the chance happens that occur in our lives contain purpose? In all of the chaos of life, does there exist an order, a specific role, meant to ensure the time line of humanity?
The chaos theory, or butterfly effect, states that something as seemingly inconsequential as a butterfly flapping its wings could start a ripple effect that would at some point alter the atmosphere to create something as monumental as a tornado. Perhaps, every encounter, every step, every decision we make is like small wings of a butterfly, creating future tornadoes that alter our lives forever.

It’s like when you read about those people who didn’t go to work at the World Trade Center on September 11th. One person overslept and forgot to set their alarm clock, one person missed the subway, one person stopped at a drugstore to a get a band-aid for a blister on their foot. These small events saved their lives.

So is there some higher meaning? Do we have a greater purpose than merely to exist and to ensure that our offspring exist? At times, it does seem that way. For something as small as a trip to a rally, a roommate, or a business call, could be a matter of life or death. For without these small butterflies, I would not be here today.
It almost appears as if everything leading up to this moment in time…was all planned out.

Why are my friends sitting over on the other side, I could barely make it through alive

2010-02-23T19:45:00.000-08:00

"What do you say when a homeless man asks you if you believe in God?"

I shook my head, taking a bite from my burrito and spilling it's contents all over my plate. I must look like a slob.
"I don't know. What?"
"I don't know either. I mean, I didn't know what to say."

I looked up. His sincere face stared back at mine, gorgeous crystal eyes searching my own plain brown ones, questioning.
"Well, I guess I would tell him the truth about my beliefs. That I don't really believe in the classic Judeo-Christian God, it's more of a living force really, something not idolized or given a human face, but a kind of power connecting all of us and creating us to set the universe in motion."
I am a Deist by nature, the religion of our founding fathers.
He nods.

I crave conversations like this. With people you don't have to worry about offending, people who make you feel like you can say your most intricate philosophical thoughts to, however crazy-sounding, and who understand them, people who allow you to bare your soul.

It's connections like these that make me feel like my opinion matters to someone.

As teenagers, we usually find solace in people our own age. We don't normally get the opportunity to state our philosophies. Adults tend to think of our entire generation as spaced out technology-addicts, glued to our bright screens and and drawn to mindless chatter on social networking sites, MyFace or Twitbook, or some nonsense like that.

But not all of us accept the ideas that are force-fed through MTV or the mindless crap that is played endlessly on the radio.
Some of us actually believe that's there's more to life than mechanical computing boxes or hand held communication devices.

But sometimes I just get so sick of everything.
I get angry at my generation, at the decade that I'm a part of. I get so disgusted with the world, and with myself too, because I am a part of it.

I can't help but gape at stereotypical advertisements and hear to the meaningless rap songs blasting out of cars or see people watching "reality" T.V. shows about dramatic, selfish people with petty problems.
It's enough give our entire generation a bad name.

Some days I can't help but feel like I'm living in some dystopian nightmare equivalent to Fahrenheit 451 or Feed.
I feel brainwashed and lied to.

I wish for simpler times...if such a thing existed in the turbulence and disarray that is human history.
The technology changes, but human nature never does, not really anyway.
I stare at my fellow contemporaries and can't help but worry about the future of humanity.
But not all of us are cause for worry...the idealist in me sees hope as well.

I take another bite from my burrito, it's guts spill over its tin foil straight jacket and land with plop! on top of my corn chips.
"Yes, I agree with you. What you said about God."
"So what did you say to the homeless guy?"
"In the end I told him I believed in God. And then I gave him my chapstick because it was cold outside and his lips looked chapped."
I smiled.
How sweet...

People searching glance to glance, moving 'bout real fast like insects and fish when they’re scared

2010-02-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

Posing with my late grandfather's 50's camera.

I often breathe stories into inanimate objects and unspoken events. I often think about people and all the human connections that occur in the day to day activities of life.

I stare up at airplanes and look into cars and building windows and imagine the real life people sitting inside. People on their way to their jobs or going on a vacation or seeing their loved ones. People receiving good news or bad news or just trying to survive. People having life-changing events happening to them right now as we continue on with our own lives. I like to think about them.

I look at dates on pennies and quarters and I imagine the people from those decades using them to buy things that are now archaic and obsolete but were new during that time. People from the past using this very coin to buy a movie ticket or a book. I think about who the president was during that time and what major historic events occurred.

I imagine the same thing when I go to thrift stores and buy clothes and vinyl records and I think about the previous owners, listening to the same music and wearing the same article of clothing that I reincarnated. Things that gave them joy at some point in their life, now transferred to me.

But sometimes this kind of thinking gets me in trouble. Like when I look at married couples and imagine them engaging in sexual activities. Or when I look at processed meat and imagine the animal dying and getting chopped up and getting passed down a factory line and all the many things that took place for the food to end up on my plate. Or when I look at doorknobs or movie theater seats or shopping carts and I imagine the hundreds of people who touched these things, people with diseases, people with sicknesses…

Even though it disturbs me, I can’t help thinking this way. I make up these imaginary stories to try and discover the intricate webs that bind us. These things are just that, things, and yet we pass them down to one another, unconsciously leaving a piece of ourselves in a stranger’s life. I wonder what strangers imagine when they see me. What life they create in their minds for me to inhabit...

I don’t mean to change the subject here but I found a really cool video from Sundance and I wanted to share it on my blog. It’s a creative short that features the sexy Joseph Gordon-Levitt and you almost have to watch it twice to pick up on the interesting (and witty!) language the story creates:

When I was 17 I had wrists like steel and I felt complete

2010-02-19T13:43:00.000-08:00

Sheesh, school has been brutal this week.
I haven't been able to go to bed before 1 o'clock in the morning since last Thursday. No lie.

Anyway, my mood greatly improved after seeing the brand spanking new Vampire Weekend music video!

Gah, I love that band, marry me Ezra? And Jake Gyllenhaal too! I lol'd at his performance.
It's such a fun video, who wouldn't want to play tennis with hunks like that?
MMMmmmmm...

I was perusing the internet and saw this little gem of a music video:

In restless dreams I walked alone

2010-02-17T21:35:00.000-08:00

(a collage I made a little while ago for a school project)

I don't usually post blog entries after midnight, and yet here I am.
*yawn*
Is it Friday yet?
Never mind, don't answer that.

And so...
Midnight poetry:

"Microscopic"
by me

Here
In this spot
I stand
A nanodot on a map
One body
Of billions
Not even a speck in space
Mass clumped together
Ungainly and haphazardly
Some iota of a quart
Amidst the gaseous giants
And titanic spheres
Who assume their own
Infinity
Me
A dot
So tiny
And invisible to the comets
Indifferent to a passing star
Fragmented molecules that transcend perpetuity
I stand here
Microscopic

Admit that the waters around you have grown

2010-02-17T12:17:00.000-08:00

Rodarte for Target bow tie shirt, jacket and book from thrift store, vintage beret

I can’t believe I’m a senior. No, wait, scratch that, I can believe it. These last four years have been…I don’t know…turbulent, but also long. I feel like I've been a high school student for an eternity.

High school definitely wasn’t what I expected or what I was led to believe from John Hughes movies and the Disney Channel.

Freshman year was…bewildering to say the least. It was quite a culture shock for me. I was sheltered in middle school, growing up in the small town of Ruidoso, in the middle of freakin’ New Mexico, far away from civilization, absent of malls and chain restaurants.

Back then, I had cringe-worthy habits that I deemed culturally acceptable at the time.
Things like going out in public with wet hair and wearing my weight in hair spray whenever I wore my hair in a ponytail. And not wearing (gasp!) make-up or a bra. I didn’t even know what Myspace was. I learned about the world from books and movies; my parents hardly ever watched T.V. and we only had one computer in our house.

Among many other things, my music taste has greatly changed throughout high school.

Freshman year...good grief was I musically naïve! Can you say, Hilary Duff, Avril Lavigne, and Kelly Clarkson? Tsk, tsk.

Sophomore year was my punk rock/power pop phase, defined by artists like All Time Low, The Format, All American Rejects, A Change of Pace, and Over It.

During junior year I began to get a better grip on myself. This year was characterized by my re-discovery of 60’s and 80’s music, made evident by my ongoing infatuation with vinyl records. I discovered countless gems from my parents’ old records, and their CD’s of Billy Joel, Genesis, Kansas, The Eagles, and Simon & Garfunkel and discovered artists on my own like the Mamas and the Papas, Creedence Clearwater Revival, and Bob Dylan.

Senior year was a musical renaissance for me as I further indulged in indie music and worshiped bands like Fleet Foxes, Regina Spektor, Vampire Weekend, and Chris Merritt. This year I fully honed my likes and dislikes and shaved down my favorites.

Music had recording powers; it helps define moments and instill memories of certain chapters and phases in our lives. In the future when I hear my music playing on the radio in the oldies station, it will always transport me to this time of my life.

It's interesting and bit scary how different I am now.
A person can change a lot in only a few years.
Am I happy with who I've become?
I'd like to think so.

Ah, middle school. So sweet and innocent. Little did I know what high school would really be like..

Love is either fickle, or a many splendored thing

2010-02-14T11:42:00.000-08:00

Alternate Blog title:
"My Views on Valentine's Day and Also Some Very Exciting News"

Well, it's V-day.

There are two kinds of people on Valentine's Day.
There are the people who have significant others and who love every heart-aching second of this consumerist lovefest holiday, and then there are people who sit alone at home, watching rom-com reruns, petting their cat/dog/chinchilla and crying, wishing that they had a special someone to take them out.
So which one are you?

It seems to me that Valentine's Day is one of those things where you hate it if you don't have a partner but instantly change you mind and love it when you do.

With V-Day, it's ok to do a psychological about-face. The people that were bashing the holiday last year, suddenly profess their undying love for it as soon as they have someone to celebrate it with this year.
This holiday either reminds you that someone out there cares for you and loves you or it serves to harshly remind you of your loneliness. Either way, today is a celebration of love.
Even if that love is just for a close friend or a family member or your chinchilla. And if you have someone special to share this holiday with, enjoy it.

Happy Valentine's Day.
My valentine knows who he is.
:]

Oh, yes! I almost forgot (not really)!
My exciting news!

Friday I found out that I got accepted to the University of Florida!

Yay!
This was my first choice school, and I have been dreaming of being a Florida gator since I was a little girl. My dad graduated there and now I get to follow in his footsteps!
I guess it shows that four years of IB (*cough, cough, four years of hell, cough, cough*), was good for something.

Now all I can say is, it's great to be a Florida Gator!

On another day c'mon, c'mon, with these ropes I tied can we do no wrong

2010-02-10T16:46:00.000-08:00

So yesterday the IB seniors and I went on a field trip to Ybor! (pronounced "e-boar")
Which is awesome, because it's the first field trip I've had since like 7th grade.
Which reminds me, why don't they make school more fun?
Schools definitely need to implement more field trips in their school curriculum.
Maybe that would make school suck a little less?
Just saying.

But anywayyyyy...back to Ybor....
So yeah, we went there.
To Ybor.
On a field trip.
Which was amazing!

Not to bore you with a long history of Ybor, but it's a really cool, old historic city.
Basically in a nutshell, it was founded in 1885 by Vicente Martinez Ybor, a cigar manufacturer, and who opened cigar factories that brought in Cuban, Spanish, and Italian immigrants. It's a national park in Florida and people have gone through great lengths to preserve it, although now it's well known for it's night clubs and gay community.

During the field trip, we walked around the city, looking at historic buildings and landmarks and later went to a museum.
After all of that nerdy fun-ness, we stopped for lunch and had really delicious Cuban food.

Then our teachers let us go off on our own for about an hour and 45 minutes.
So of course I took the opportunity to window shop at Urban Outfitters and shop at the local vintage stores like Revolve and La France.
Then we all got ice-cream and rode back on the bus.
The end.

Is it creepy that I like to take pictures of my friends?
Maybe.
Or maybe they're just so gosh darn photogenic!

Dante and Christina!

Molly!

The Brat Pack.

Don't worry it's just a chocolate cigar!

Ain't no party like the communist party!

How can you resist pressing a button like that?

Christian pretending to be homeless.

My name on a cigar box!

Who's that dork?

Waiting on the world to change

2010-02-06T15:19:00.000-08:00

So, last night I went to the John Mayer and Micheal Franti and the Spearheads concert!
My parents bought me these tickets for Christmas and I have looking forward to this concert for a long time!

All day long I sat at school, waiting for the weekend to finally start.
However, when I came home my parents unfairly chewed my ass out for not completing an assignment (called CAS, it's an IB thing).
It just about ruined my entire night.
Does it make me a bad person that when my mom spilled her Moe's burrito on her blouse I was kinda happy about it?
Maybe.
Or maybe the karma police were after her.

So I sulked during the whole car ride to the concert, plugging in my iPod and listening to Mr. Mayer and trying to tune out my parent's chatter.
I love my parents. I really do.
But sometimes they annoy the hell out of me.
I mean, I have a really good relationship with my mom and dad. I go to them for advice, I love hanging out with them (shopping with mom and father/daughter movie nights with my dad), and I'm genuinely interested to hear about their experiences in high school.
They are such a big part of my life and they have helped me through some difficult times.
However...
Baby bird needs to fly free.
Ah, I can't wait 'til college...

So anyway, about the concert.
My mom and I went together.
At first we were still a bit irked at each other but we gradually got over it.

The concert was really spectacular. John Mayer sounded so good live and I loved listening to his new songs as well as his old hits.
We were in the nosebleed section and could barely see a thing, but we still had a blast.
It was so much fun and I wish the concert lasted longer.

When it was over, my mom and I waited for my dad to pick us up.
While we were waiting, we listened to a street performer playing a violin.
It was so beautiful, we had to stop and listen.
The sad thing is that everyone ignored him. Dozens of people, just walked right by him. Staring straight ahead and doing their best to ignore his music.
It was really sad.
It reminded me of this article I read a while back.

I'm such a sucker for music, no matter where it comes from.
I always give money to street performers and try to stay for a few minutes to listen.
They just add so much character to the streets. They give it life.
I've always wanted to be a street performer for a day to see what it was like. I wonder how much I would make...
Would people ignore me too?
Would they take a break from their busy lives and stop and listen?

It struck me that the two of us could run

2010-02-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

This is my mom-inspired outfit. I'm wearing her sunglasses from the 80's and her 90's shirt I stole from a box in the garage.

So this weekend was pretty much awesome.
Friday was spent with Nick, Rob, and Dante. We walked around the mall and Barnes and Noble, commenting on whatever struck our interest and discussing zombies with a complete stranger.
Yeah.
That's we roll.
Oh, and Dante bought vampire teeth.
Which he dropped down the drain the next day.
That darn Dante!

Then on Saturday I had a fantastic time watching The Graduate with Cliff.
:]
I watched The Grammys on Sunday with my mom (is anyone else disappointed that MGMT didn't get Best New Artist? Oh, and I absolutely loved Green Day's performance!)

But then school had to start on Monday....
Sigh.
In the last two days, I've probably had about...oh, say maybe five hours of sleep?
Yeah, not cool.

You know, I was thinking the other day how it's interesting that we spend so much time at school and yet, our teachers really have no idea who we are.
I mean, we see these people everyday and we know virtually nothing about each other.
My biology teacher probably has a completely different impression of me than my English teacher or my math teacher or history teacher.
But none of these people know the real me, none of them understands me.
And it's sad because I don't understand them either.
I have no idea what's going on in their lives, who they're married to, who they're children are, if they have pets or their hobbies or their religion.
School dehumanizes that relationship in a way.

It's sad because when you think about it, even your own family members don't really know who you are.
People like your cousins or aunts or uncles have almost no idea about you either.
What's Uncle Gary's favorite color?
What's Christopher's favorite movie?
What's Aunt Georgia's favorite food?
I don't know.
My own family, and I have no idea.

It's like we exist differently to other people.
It's impossible to truly understand a person because they adapt to different environments and react to people differently.
There's School-Juliette, Friends-Juliette, Family-Juliette, Alone-Juliette, Imaginary-Juliette, Internet-Juliette.
How can anyone keep them all straight?
How can anyone truly understand another human being?

The vampires want your blood

2010-01-28T14:30:00.000-08:00

As you can tell from the title, this post is vampire-themed (and no, I do NOT mean the vampire-book-series-that-shall-not-be-named).

Ok, so I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while.
I never got to post about what I did last weekend!
It was so awesome.
Basically, Nick, Christina, Dante, and I all went to see Daybreakers, and then went to Taco Bell, and to a small bonfire get together (and saw a wild peacock!).

Anyway, Daybreakers rocked! Even though I'm as sick as the next person with more than half a brain at the vampire craze generated by the book-series-that-shall-not-be-named, Daybreakers was really cool.

The acting, special effects, and action was great.
I really enjoyed the creative spin on the vampire genre and the futuristic world that the movie created.
It made me want to have those wicked cool amber glow in the dark contacts and put shots of hemoglobin in my coffee too.

Although there were some weak spots, such as the plot holes and cheap scare gimmicks (i.e. screeching bats popping out and how a stake through the heart causes vampires to spontaneously, and without any scientific explanation, combust. I mean, really? And the fact that sunlight turns vampires back into humans but too much of it also causes them to spontaneously combust? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.)

But I must say, I'm in love with Ethan Hawk.

I loved his work in Dead Poets Society, Gattaca, Reality Bites, and New York, I Love You.
Sexyness, am I right?
Although, he looked much better as a blood-sucking vamp than as an ordinary human.

Ok, moving right along.
Speaking of vampires, my Vampire Weekend Contra - LP finally came in!

Ah! I love this album!
It has been playing non-stop on my turntable and shows no sign of stopping!
I'm not lying when I say that there is not a single song on there that I dislike.
I still haven't decided yet if Contra is better than Vampire Weekend's first album, but it definitely lived up to my expectations.
My favorite songs are Run, Cousins, and White Sky.

With all this talk of vampires, ironically enough, in biology class we're learning about the human circulatory system.
We've been learning all about the blood, and the heart, and how it moves throughout the body.
Our teacher even made us watch a video about open heart surgery (which actually showed the whole surgery taking place).
Uh, no thanks!
I hid my face in my notebook during the whole video.
I don't think I could ever survive as a vampire.
I'm too queasy when it comes to blood and guts.

Don't let the sun blast your shadow

2010-01-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you guys, but thank-god it's finally the weekend!
Unfortunately, I have so many projects to do in the next few days it's not even funny.

Ug, school is wearing me thin.
It makes me want to run away and join the circus. Or become a street performer. Or become an apprentice.
Or something.

So, because I feel like a couch potato, I decided to officially declare this day a "chill day" and relax on the sofa.
It's been working out pretty well.
I snuggled up with my little kitty and read my new Rolling Stone magazine (featuring Vampire Weekend, Spoon, and John Mayer, Yay!), while simultaneously texting my bored friends, watching TV, listening to Urban Outfitters' new online playlist (which is awesome), and surfing the web.
Ahhhhh, multi-tasking at it's finest.

Also, if you would like to further help contribute to my lazy afternoon and keep me occupied, go to Formspring.com and ask me a random question.

Also, my 2nd cousin, Chris Merritt (who is an extremely talented indie musician) just released a new single a few days ago, called "Big Girl" and I much say, it's pretty darn catchy. It's been on repeat for the past few days now on my computer. So if you're cool, you'll take a few minutes and listen to it too.

Oh, and here's a random video of my cat. Isn't she the cutest?

Every five seconds she skids across the tile floor and swats at her little toy mouse.

I swear, that never gets old.

Impaled on my wall, my eyes can dimly see, the pattern of my life, and the puzzle that is me

2010-01-21T12:21:00.000-08:00

Nothing much to report today. Same old, same old.

However, last night I causally put in my Simon & Garfunkel records that I bought last weekend, and it BLEW MY MIND.

I just laid there on my back and sat staring at my ceiling, soaking it in.
Sometimes I think if aliens were to ever invade Earth, they probably wouldn't be impressed with our technology. I think our crowning achievement would be our music.

The ancient mathematician Pythagoras once claimed that a proportional force called musica universalis or music of the spheres, guided the planets and other celestial objects, a kind of cosmic harmony.
I kinda like that idea.
The thought that music flows through everything.

I wonder who was the very first person to create music?
Did some caveman get the idea to bang an animal bone on a rock or whistle with his mouth?
Music is such an essential part of life; it's endemic to every human culture. It doesn't matter who you are, what color you are, what creed, what sex or what age, everybody on Earth loves some kind of music. Whether its polka or rock or hip hop or country or pop or classical, everyone on this planet loves music.
It's something we all share.
Music is what makes us human.

On the turning away...

2010-01-19T15:07:00.000-08:00

It's been another busy week. Oh, how I miss Winter Break.
Last week was auditions for the Arthur Miller play, All My Sons. For those of you who don't know me, Arthur Miller is one of my favorite playwrights.

He's the author of some of my favorite plays, including Death of a Salesman and Playing For Time and the movie The Misfits, starring Marylin Monroe (who used to be his wife).

So yeah, he's pretty awesome.

So anyway, I got the role of Sue Bayliss in All My Sons.

I always play eccentric characters.
I like playing fun characters like the schizophrenic with multiple personalities in Check, Please, the psychic who held a seance and became possessed in The Uninvited, Doc, the bumbling, lead dwarf in Snow White, the pauper in The Princess and the Pauper. I've even played guy roles like Little John in Robin Hood and the Prince's lovable sidekick, Dandini, in the British Pantomime musical, Cinderella.
(I've also acted in A Christmas Carol, How the West was Fed, The Steadfast Tin Soldier, The Wizard of Oz, Little Red Riding Hood, and others.)

We had the read-through yesterday and our first rehearsal today.
All in all, it went pretty well.

We watched a really sad documentary in Spanish class about the current civil war in Colombia. It was heartbreaking to watch.
Young boys, my age, fighting in violent guerrilla warfare; killing men, snorting cocaine, and fathering children. Young girls, my age, mothers, widows, prostitutes; no education, no one to help them, they're out there on the streets selling their bodies to feed their starving children.
It was horrible to watch.

Here I am worrying about silly things like graduation and homework, when people are out there fighting for their lives.

You don't know how to act when you see a tragedy like that.
You can say, "Man, that's so sad," and sympathize all you want but you can never truly feel what they're feeling, or experience what they're experiencing.
All we can do is go back to our simple, complicated lives and sit down and eat dinner with our family and work on homework and go to school the next day and complain about how hard the work is.
I guess that's all we really can do.

Why did we let the world get this way?

Weekends are for the warriors

2010-01-18T06:36:00.000-08:00

(that's our dog, Gator, in the corner)

Wow, I love three-day weekends.
Why can't it be a three-day weekend every weekend?
But then I guess, we would just keep wishing for a four-day weekend and then a five-day weekend and then a six-day weekend, and then that would mean...NO SCHOOL EVER!
:]
Now there's an idea...

It's been swell.
Went to the Flea Market with Cody and scored big on records.

Bob Dylan, Simon & Garfunkel, Billy Joel, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Supertramp, The Eagles, The Band, Elvis Costello, Bad Company, Genesis, Bob Seger, Lou Reed, The Carpenders, Paul McCarthy and Wings, and Foghat, oh my.

The guy at the store was so funny,
"What's a young-in like you buying records for?"
"Well, who doesn't love this music?" I said, holding up Simon & Garfunkel, "besides, it's the experience of playing it, you can't get that feeling from an iPod."
"Hey, that's music from my time."
"That's the classics! What else would I listen to, the rap music they play on the radio?"

Then, yesterday my sister threw a surprise 18th birthday party for her best friend, Alexis.
My twin sister and I are complete opposites (just think of her as Anti-Juliette) so we don't really hang out with the same crowd. But everyone was nice to me and it turned out to be pretty fun.
I'm not really into those kind of parties, but I loosened up and enjoyed myself.

Hasta la vista for now.

(Oh, by the way, did anyone see this SNL skit on Saturday? Too funny!)

Feeling Infinite

2010-01-16T08:20:00.000-08:00

This has been a tough week. But I don't really feel like talking about it.
However, no matter what I'm going through right now, I can always say, "Well, at least I'm not in Haiti." My heart goes out to those poor people.

I'm currently reading the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower (I know, I know. I'm a bit slow on the pop culture bandwagon) and I absolutely love it.

There's this one passage where Charlie describes a mix tape he made for his friend. He says:

"I had an amazing feeling when I finally held the tape in my hand. I just thought to myself that in the palm of my hand, there was this tape that had all of these memories and feelings and great joy and sadness. right there in the palm of my hand. and I thought about how many people have loved those songs.and how many people got through a lot of bad times because of those songs, and how many people enjoyed good times with those songs. and how much those songs really mean. I think it would be great to have written one of those songs. I bet if i wrote one of them, i would be very proud. I hope people who wrote those songs are happy. i hope that they feel its enough. I really do because they've made me happy, and I'm only one person."

Anyway, I was inspired to make a playlist like Charlie. He later describes how when he listens to these songs, they make him "feel infinite".

So here's my infinite playlist (Ha! Like Nick and Nora? Get it? Nevermind.) My imaginary mix tape made for no one.
These are songs that make me feel like I'm alone in the universe and tug at my heartstrings:

Across the Universe - Fiona Apple
The Funeral - Band of Horses
Furr - Blitzen Trapper
Love Will Come Through - Travis
Tiger Mountain Peasant Song - Fleet Foxes
Running Up That Hill - Placebo
Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine
Philosophia - The Guggenheim Grotto
One Thing - Finger Eleven
Read My Mind - The Killers
This Time Tomorrow - The Kinks
Junebug - Robert Francis
American Tune - Paul Simon
I and Love and You - The Avett Brothers
Elevenses - Neil Halstead
Blackbird - The Beatles
Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie
First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

l left out so many amazing songs that didn't make it on the playlist. But I feel like all of these songs have a recurring feeling that's hard to capture in words.
It's like this Salvador Dali painting I saw at his art museum:

Do you know what I'm saying?
I think the songs express this painting.
It's difficult to describe.
You feel it on a subconscious level.

I hope some people will take the time to listen to my playlist. It you don't, that's ok.
I hope you all have a nice weekend.

Decisions to decisions are made and not fought

2010-01-11T17:43:00.000-08:00

Hello! I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I was just busy enjoying my Winter Break...it was so relaxing.
But now my peace has been shattered...school started today.

The weather has been so cold with this weird Florida cold snap and since our school was built in the 70's (an architectural dark age) we have no furnace or any kind of heating system.
So, because of this, our teachers have temporary relaxed the dress code and we were allowed to wear hats inside the building (yay)!
It was so funny walking down the hallways and seeing everyone wearing heavy coats, gloves, beanies, and scarves inside the building (hey cut us a break, to us Floridians 20-30 degrees weather is like Titanic cold).

But I got a lot of compliments on my hat throughout the day! I got it at a thrift store and then stuck the black flower on myself.
However, I got a few jabs from some teachers.
One said to me, "That looks like an old lady hat." To which a student burst out, "It's vintage-looking!"
Ha. Power to the recessionistas!
Another teacher said, "Who are you, Thoroughly Modern Millie?"
Which I took as a compliment.
So, there!

Other than that not much happened today.
Oh wait, my sister and I saw a transformer blow up on the way to school.
That was pretty exciting.
It was flashing blue and stuff.

Oh, and also, we saw kittens during lunch!
While we were eating, Dante suddenly stopped and pointed out the window with his mouth hanging open (not a pretty sight, it was macaroni day).
"KITTENS!"

Suddenly, the lunchroom was in an uproar. Girls were "awww"-ing, people were craning their necks, teachers were standing up.
The two little kittens were so cute! They were so small and frolicked outside the windows.
I hope they're OK. It's going to be another cold night tonight.

For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on

2009-12-31T23:51:00.000-08:00

(Above picture inspired by a certain awesome album:)

Happy New Year!

I spent my night celebrating the advance of 2010 with Jacqueline, Dante, and the 'rents.
We ushered in the new year by blasting "Don't Stop Believing" (which we proceeded to replay over and over and over again a thousand times until it finally turned midnight), drinking sparkling apple cider (non-alcoholic, because we're cool like that), lighting sparklers in the backyard, and watching the ball drop in New York.

(will)

(hopefully)

We had fun with the sparklers we bought from a tent on the side of the road (if you can't tell).

Dante's excited for the New Year, can't you tell?

(Dante's inferno! Ha.
Btw, he doesn't really have a mustache, but wouldn't it be super awesome if he did??? I keep trying to get him to grow out his facial hair.)

In other news, I found some of my parents old sunglasses.
Blast from the past:

They were happy little 80's yuppies living large in sunny Florida:

(Don't my parents look cute together? People say I look like my mom, but idk...)

My collection of vintage sunglasses.
From the top left: my dad's shades from the 80's, my mom's shades also from the 80's, my grandfather's aviators from the 70's, and my very own sunglasses from the present!

Hope everyone had a great New Year's. Let's make this decade rock!
Whoo-hoo, class of 2010!

Time keeps on slipping into the future...

2009-12-30T20:57:00.000-08:00

Whoa. 2009 is almost gone...
I feel old.
I've been alive for almost two decades now...ugh and the 90's and 00's suck!
Hopefully in the 10's we will finally get jetpacks, that is, unless the world ends in 2012...

I can't believe this decade is almost over!
You know, I remember when I was 7 years old in 1999 and my parents threw a huge New Year's Eve Party for 2000.
I tried so hard to stay awake 'til midnight and I remember sitting in my room listening to the adult's drunken attempts at karaoke through my door.
So much has changed in ten years...
So much can change in ten years!
I wonder what would happen if you took my past 7 year old self, my present 17 year old self, and my future 27 year old self, and put them all in a room together.
Would I recognize myself?
Would I still like myself?
I wonder who would be the most happy...

But anyway, changing the topic to my present happenings:
Because my dear friend Dante lives under a rock, he hasn't seen any of my favorite movies. They are, and not limited to: Back to the Future, The Matrix, and Star Wars.
I know, right? His life is a sham.

Anyway, so it's been my mission to school him during Winter Break so he will not be cinematically retarded.
First on the list was the Back to the Future trilogy, and we are currently on the third movie.

(Hello, sexy. Although, it's slightly disturbing that Micheal J. Fox is old enough to be my father.)

Since Marty travels to 2015 in Doc's time machine, Dante and I promised each other to meet up on New Year's Eve five years from now to watch the movie again and laugh at all of the corny 80's futuristic predictions that didn't come true.

I've always wished that I could time travel (and one day own a DeLorean).
It would be so much fun to travel to 1979 and meet my parents in high school at my age and then to travel to 2039 to meet my kids in high school like Marty does in the movie.

How cool would it be to be able to travel anywhere in time?
How awesome would it be to travel to 1595 and see Romeo and Juliet on opening night?
Or go to 1794 and read the first edition of Thomas Paine's The Age of Reason?
Go to 1848 and listen to Frederic Chopin in concert?
Or travel to 1969 and see the Woodstock festival?
Or go to 1985 and watch Back to the Future in theaters!
The possibilities are endless...

Ok, since we are on the subject of time, another topic change is in order:

I've been currently entertaining an interesting thought; it occurred to me while gazing at the stars (I know, how original right?).
You know how it takes light from stars millions of years to travel across space to reach us? And by that time, the stars that we're looking at could already be dead, and we are only gazing at gaseous spheres that no longer exist? Well, what if millions of years from now, the light from our Sun is finally reaching some far off planet, and they are seeing us, now, in this exact moment of time. We exist in a memory to this other planet, our star is dead and gone but the light from this moment in time is finally reaching their eyes.

Some far off beings, millions of years from now in the future, are seeing our world at this moment. But we are just fragments, photographs from a dead star, memories living in a lost world that no longer exists in the universe except in a beam of light traveling 186,000 miles per second.
Just something to think about.

Happy New Year everybody!

Dear shadow alive and well

2009-12-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

(This is the new shirt I got from Chris and Angela for Christmas!)

Hello, hello.
How's life been treating you?
I'm just happy it's Winter Break...

It's been fun thus far.
I've been enjoying using my new coffee mugs I got for Christmas:

I've been enjoying my break like a true couch potato; sleeping in, lying around watching VHS movies, listening to records, reading magazines and books, and of course, surfing the World Wide Web (all while staying in my pajamas and/or bathrobe).
However, I did leave the house to:
1. Celebrate my dad's birthday.
2. Visit the thrift store.
3. See Sherlock Holmes.
4. Go to Vinyl Fever and IKEA

(On our way driving to the IKEA:)

Because my dad is young at heart, we all went to laser tag for his birthday. It was really fun.
I had the codename of "Impulse" (I didn't pick it, it was on my light jacket) and I received the second lowest score (but at least I beat my sister, whoo!).
I really didn't think I was going to suck so bad. I mean, my asthmatic friend even beat my score.
I dressed all in black and was feeling really macho, prepping myself in the bathroom, you know, like "eye of the tiger, baby", "I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!" But alas, I guess I'm just a greenhorn at laser combat.

So yesterday, I went and saw Sherlock Holmes with Dante, Molly, Molly's boyfriend, and Christina.
Molly's boyfriend came and picked me up. He played really hardcore, and I mean really hardcore metal on the ride to the theater, which isn't exactly my cup of tea. But it was all good, I mean, I couldn't really hear the music because my ears were bleeding.

But the movie was pretty good.
I have to say though, the trailer was really misleading.
I was under the impression that it was going to be a comedy, but it really wasn't. Don't get your hopes up, the movie's five jokes were all displayed in the trailer. But as an action flick, it was a pretty well done movie.

I loved Robert Downey Jr.'s spin on the Sherlock Holmes character. It was raw and modernized, different than the detective I grew up reading in The Hound of the Baskervilles and The Adventure of the Speckled Band, but the character still retained the traditional Sherlock Holmes-est psyche and avant-garde spirit but combined with that certain bad-ass-outlaw character which is oh so likeable to the young and restless 21st century audience.

(love the dress!)

I loved the cinematography in the film, especially the slow motion scenes.
I also really liked how the director would allow the audience to see the way Holmes viewed the world and his methods of deduction (but he never once said, "Elementary, my dear Watson"! Pity).

Overall, it was an entertaining movie, with an interesting story and good action. And while it probably won't win any awards, it was a nice bit of escapism to watch over the winter holidays.

So this is Christmas...

2009-12-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

Happy Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Yule, National Pumpkin Pie Day, or whatever-you-celebrate!

Is it just me, or did Christmas catch everyone by surprise? Maybe it's just my family...but Christmas feels weird this year.
Could it be because my mom just got out of surgery yesterday, so she's all doped up in her bedroom? Or maybe because it's our first Christmas without Zorro (*sniff*)? Or maybe it's because it feels like no one in my family was really in to Christmas this year, or could it be because it's 70 degrees outside?...I think the answer is all of the above.

But I'm trying to make the best of it.

(My kitten, Figaro, and I by our Christmas tree):

Last night was fun. Since my mom is confined to her bed, my dad, sister and I went by ourselves to Uncle Butch's house for Christmas Eve dinner. Aunt Susan served delicious homemade Cuban food and my dad taught my sister and I how to play pool (FYI, I suck).
I love being with my family. My Uncle Butch looks kinda like George W. Bush, which is really funny so I call him "Uncle Bush" secretly in my head. Then we came home, and I watched A Christmas Story on TBS. Best scene in the whole movie:
"Fra-gi-le, must be Italian."
"I think it says 'fragile', dear."

(At Uncle Butch's house with my sister, Jacqueline, and my cousin, Genna):

This Christmas wasn't a "big gift giving" Christmas, which I'm definitely fine with. I seriously have everything I need (I got a camera last Christmas, an iPod the Christmas before that, my Nana got me a laptop when school started, and my dad bought my sister and I a car earlier this year) so I wasn't expecting anything big (and rightly so). But there were still some really nice surprises under the tree!

From my parents I got a new turntable that plays and converts records into digital files (aaahhh!), Fleet Foxes on vinyl, Watchmen DVD, tickets to see John Mayer (yay!), Ferris Bueller's Day Off, cute coffee mugs, magazine subscriptions, and all the practical toiletries and candy my mom always puts in my stocking every year. My sister got me some super cute headbands and British Invasion book and Dante got me the Vampire Weekend vinyl record!

Also...

(Fun with Christmas lights/street lights):

Happy Holidays, everyone. Thanks to all of my followers for...well...following me! I hope you all have a special day.

Reality came around and without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

2009-12-23T06:17:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a sad post. I'm just warning you. You don't have to read it if you don't want to.

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while.
This has been one of the hardest weeks of life.
At first, things were going ok. Midterms were halfway over, I went and saw Avatar, my parents threw a huge Christmas party/surprise birthday party for my cousin, Christopher.
But then tragedy struck.
On Monday, my cat Zorro died.
Zorro was a 17 year old black and white American short hair. He has been in my family since my sister and I were only two years old. It was the classic pet story; one night there was a bad storm and suddenly we heard meowing coming from outside. We opened the door to find a soaking wet fur ball sitting on our back porch. My sister and I begged our parents to let us keep him, and he's been our loving companion ever since.

It was so sad watching him die. It was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. My parents had to leave to go work and my sister was upstairs, so I was all alone with him.
I had two midterms to study for, so I sat on the floor next to him, stroking his head with one hand, and holding my biology review book with the other.
Suddenly, I heard a horrible gurgling sound. I looked over and saw that Zorro was throwing up. He was laying on his side, so I tried gently lifting him up to the other side of the blanket. He thrashed around, moaning. With tears running down my face, I keep petting him with whispers of "it's going to be ok". I called my parents, and they told me there was nothing I could do except keep him comfortable. I felt so helpless. He lay on his side, wheezing, his paws and whiskers twitching softly. Suddenly, he closed his eyes...stillness.
I just sat on the floor and cried and cried, unable to believe that he was really gone.
I keep running my hand over his belly to check to see if he was breathing, but there was nothing.
I kissed his head and pulled the blanket over his little body.
I don't know how long I cried. It wasn't until my parents came home at 6 o'clock did I realize that I had fallen asleep on the floor.

The worst part was studying for my exams that night.
I couldn't focus at all.
My brain keep replaying the scene, looping in my head on repeat.
How could I focus on RNA transcription and meiosis and glycolysis when I could hear my mom crying downstairs and my dad putting Zorro's body in a box?

But life goes on, I suppose. No matter how screwed up it may be.
I went to school and finished my exams, and now it's finally Winter Break.
We buried Zorro on Tuesday. We all decided that he should be buried at our old house, where we found him. After the hour long drive, we laid Zorro to rest.
Goodbye, my friend.

2009-12-21T12:20:00.000-08:00

I'm warning you, this is not a happy post, this is a very sad post, so I don't blame you if you don't want to read it.
I'm writing this more myself, as a way to cope.

My cat, Zorro, just died. He was a 17 year old black and white American shorthair. He has been in our family since I was two years old and we rescued him during a storm after he was abandoned as a kitten.

He has been going downhill for a while. A few years ago he started to lose his vision and his hearing and he would become disoriented when he walked in a room.
He started to lose weight and started eating and walking around less and less.

Yesterday, my dad saw him fall into the freezing pool and quickly pulled him out. There was blood coming out of his anal and when he tried to walk he wobbled in a circle. We covered him in blankets and my mom and I tried to dry him with a blow drier. My dad and sister left the room but my mom and I stayed with him throughout the evening. He didn't eat and took small sips of water. He tried to stand up but couldn't and at times he would turn his head and softly murmurer.

My mom and I had a really bad fright when we walked out of the room to take a break for lunch. Our dog, Gator, had somehow gotten in the room. We walked in to find fur everywhere and Zorro collapsed on the floor in the middle of the room. We think that Gator was trying to lick him (which is what he was doing earlier) but was accidentally too rough. We gently picked him up and wrapped him back into the covers on his makeshift bed in the corner. I softly stroked his ears and he purred weakly.
I had to go to bed because I had exams in the morning but my mom stayed with Zorro all night.

Today, when I went to school, she told me that he wasn't moving all day and hadn't eaten or drunken anything. I came home early from school to help out.
When I came into the room he lifted his head. Mom said he moved the most when I got home. I stayed by his side and pat him and gave him whispers of "I love you, Zorro," and "You're a good cat."
My parents had to leave to go work so I promised to stay by him when they left.
I have more exams tomorrow so I sat by him and stroked his head while I studied.

He was fine for a few hours. He took a small sip of water and lifted his head and even said, "meow".
I started getting stiff and hungry from sitting so I asked my sister to watch him for a second while I went into the kitchen to get some food and stretch my legs. She was reluctant at first and I had to call her several times to come down.
When I left, Zorro had closed his eyes and it looked like he was sleeping.
I prepared my food and came back into the room to sit by him. As I was eating and taking a break to check my updates on my computer, I heard this horrible gurgling sound and I looked over to find Zorro convulsing. His mouth was open and it looked like he was gagging. Suddenly, I watched in horror as he vomited. I called my parents and started crying, asking them what to do. They told there wasn't much I could do except make him comfortable. Jacqueline came into the room when she heard me crying and then left immediately.
I told mom and dad to tell Jacqueline to get me another blanket because poor Zorro was lying in his own throw-up. Jacqueline called my phone two times but I couldn't answer because I was trying to lift Zorro up and lift him to the other side of the blanket. It was so horrible to watch because it looked like he was choking and kept throwing his head back and twisting on the blankets and his legs were sprawled in an awkward position. I didn't want him to choke on his vomit so I tried lifting his head.
Jacqueline came in the room. I was crying and sobbing trying to comfort Zorro, who had stopped throwing up and was lying on his side wheezing. I kept patting him and talking to him as my tears fell on his fur. Meanwhile, with tears rolling down my cheeks I say to Jacqueline, "Please go get a blanket. He needs a new blanket because he threw up. I want him to get comfortable."
Well I guess mom an dad had yelled at Jacqueline on the phone for not helping me because she started screaming at me, saying (and I swear I'm not exaggerating), "Fucking shut up bitch. Stop crying. You got me in trouble with mom and dad you fucking tattletale." I am sitting there with Zorro gasping for breath and saying, "Please Jacqueline I don't need this now, Zorro is dying. Please go get a blanket. Please," I begged her.
She left and came back with paper towels.
"Jacqueline, I asked for a blanket! He needs to be comfortable!"
She started cussing and yelling at me again, "Bitch! Why do you have to go to mom and dad and cry about everything!"
At this point, there are so many emotions coursing through me, I just couldn't take this from her.
I sat there, stroking Zorro and telling him I love him and that he was such a good friend and that I hope he goes to a happy place.
Like a heartless shadow, Jacqueline is there staring, and standing behind me.
Crying, I say, "Just go away Jacqueline. Leave me alone. Go away."
"I can fucking stay if I want. You can't tell me what to do. You're crying isn't helping him."
"Go away! Oh my god, I think Zorro is dead. He's gone, oh god..."
I put my hand on him and feel that there's no breath. I can't feel a heartbeat and his body is cold.
"He's gone.."
"How do you know? Feel him again on his stomach."
"Why don't you feel him? Or are you too grossed out to touch him, you monster? Just go away Jacqueline, I don't need this right now."
I keep petting him and sobbing and I lean down to kiss his head.
I pull the blanket over his thin body and hug my knees and cry.
Zorro died at 3:00.

I am so disgusted with my sister, and I doubt I will ever forgive her for this.
I'm so upset that Zorro's final moments were of Jacqueline yelling, "fuck you bitch".
It scares me that she can feel nothing.
Words cannot describe how much I loathe her right now, how much I want to...I don't know. I'm just so disgusted with her.

You have no fear of the underdog, that's why you will not survive

2009-12-18T12:50:00.000-08:00

Just let it be Winter Break already. Seriously.
Three down, three to go...

So after school, my family and I celebrated my cousin's birthday at the Colombia restaurant. The restaurant was founded in 1905 and they serve really delicious authentic Cuban food from old recipes.

And then afterwards I went and saw *drum roll* AVATAR!

Oh. My. Goodness. Where do I begin?

Ok, Avatar was, simply put, awe-inspiring. Let me elaborate:
Every frame was such a delight to watch. The visual imagery was beautiful and vibrant; the colors, the bio-luminescent plants, Pandora, the Na'vi, it was all breathtaking to watch.

I was simply blown away by the special effects. I was so impressed by the computer generated characters that I forgot that they weren't real or tangible in any way. Their expressions, their fluid movements, their skin texture was amazingly realistic.

The world that the director created was so engaging and inspiring, you couldn't help but immerse yourself in it. The creativity behind the creation of an entirely new ecosystem filled with alien fauna and flora was remarkable.

I highly recommend watching this movie in 3D. This was my first 3D movie (not counting the time I saw Honey I Shrunk the Audience at Disney World in the 90's). I felt like I was actually in the movie, especially during the breathtaking flying scenes which actually made my stomach drop.

The movie was so exciting to watch and was able to keep my complete attention from start to finish; if definitely didn't feel like a three hour movie!
I cried like a baby during the emotional scenes and I was sick to my stomach watching the cruelty and injustice inflicted on the Na'vi people by the humans. At one point in the movie I seriously clenched my fist and felt like shouting, "You monsters!" at the movie screen. This movie really made me hate my species, I want to live on Pandora with the Na'vi!

However, Avatar was by no means perfect. It was a bit cliche (too much like Dances with Wolves) with a familiar "hero's journey" plot and stereotypical characters. I also didn't entirely like how the Na'vi were depicted. It would have been more impactful if they were intellectually equal with humans but were wise enough to chose their lifestyle of coexisting with their planet, not just because they were primitive.

I understand that the movie was a commentary on the evils of imperialism and was symbolic of the way that the Europeans treated the Native Americans and Africans, but I felt like white people were attacked in this movie. In the movie, the U.S. army consisted of an overwhelming majority of white guys; there were virtually no women or minorities represented. To me, the movie should have focused more on humans as a species attacking the Na'vi to highlight the pitfalls of human nature. Instead, the movie focused on only white men attacking the Na'vi.

Despite all of this, Avatar definitely lived up to the hype. Overall, it was an incredible experience and I have officially fallen in love with this movie.
As the Na'vi say:
Eywa ngahu!
(Good-bye, Eywa be with you!)

When we're young we set our hearts upon some beautiful idea

2009-12-17T04:51:00.000-08:00

And that pretty much sums up midterm week.
Two down, four to go...

Sooooooooooo.
The new trailer for Alice in Wonderland came out yesterday.

I'm still undecided whether I want to see it or not. I really didn't like Alice in Wonderland when I was little (the Cheshire Cat freaked me out and I just didn't "get" the movie) so I'm not sure if I want to see the live action version.
Also, I still haven't seen The Frog Princess yet, but I've heard it's really good. I think it's cool that Disney finally decided to have an African American princess, even if it is 30 years too late.

Now that I'm older, I still like watching animated movies (even though Disney is racist and sexist and antisemitic).
When I was little, my all time favorite Disney movie was The Lion King.

My favorite Disney musical was Fantasia.

My favorite Disney princess was Pocahontas.

My favorite Disney princes were Dimitri and Aladdin.

My favorite non-Disney animated movies were Kiki's Delivery Service and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.

So I made a rather sad discovery today.
On the way to school, we always pass by a field with a cute little white cottage in the middle of it. Next to the cottage is a large tree that only blooms for a few weeks in the spring. It's such a pretty sight when the tree blossoms and produces lavender colored flowers.
I wanted to take a picture of it last year but I never got around to it.
So today, when we drove by, I was surprised and saddened to find the little cottage lying in a heap of rubble. There was a giant, dirty yellow excavator cruelly scooping up the remnants of the beautiful tree.

Quel dommage!
Que lástima!
So many beautiful pictures I'll never capture...

Philosophia

2009-12-16T10:28:00.000-08:00

I am in love with the song, "Philosophia" by Guggenheim Grotto.
It was on the mix that Dante was kind enough to burn for me.
It's been stuck in my head all day and the lyrics are simply beautiful to listen to.

"When we’re young we set our hearts upon some beautiful idea

Maybe something from a holy book or French philosophia
Upon the thoughts of better men than us we swear by and decree a
Perfect way to end the war of ways the only way to be a…

Work of art, oh, to be a work of art

But in time a thought comes tugging on the sleeve edge of our minds
Perhaps no perfect way exists at all, just many different kinds
Oh but if it’s just a thing of taste then everything unwinds
For without an absolute how can the absolute define…"

I’m not really sure what philosophy I subscribe to. I can relate to and draw truths from almost all forms of philosophy. In matters of religion, I am a Deist. In matters of government, I am a Democrat. In matters of happiness and individualism, I am an Objectivist. In matters of society, I am a Marxist. In matters of nature, I am a Transcendentalist.

I believe in the butterfly effect and that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we are influenced by our environment but that there is a part of ourselves that will always stay the same no matter what. I believe in intelligent design of the universe but I also believe in evolution.

I don't think that any religion or philosophy is completely right. Whether through religion or science, we are all searching for the answers to the same questions. But I think it's important to have something to believe in and to hold on to because it's helps to give us comfort and a sense of foundation in a vast, uncertain, and lonely universe.

I’d like to think that we have a greater purpose than merely to exist and to ensure that our offspring exist. But lately, I can’t be sure anymore. I think that the pursuit of happiness is beginning to become synonymous with the pursuit of perfection.

I’m sick of chasing after windmills and trying to interpret the shadows on the cave wall. And I hate that we have to make life so difficult and miserable because this may be all we have and all we’re ever get. The afterlife is not an insurance policy, it’s a beautiful, quixotic fantasy that may or may not exist. And we have to be prepared if it doesn’t.

I just want internal and external peace. I want true love. I want justice. I want truth. I want beauty. I want meaning. I want happiness. That’s all. Is that really so much to ask?

Is that really so much to ask?

It's cutting me down like slow poison

2009-12-15T05:37:00.000-08:00

So, I'm not gonna lie, today was not a very good day.
To make ourselves feel better, my friends and I played a game during lunch.
There was a mysterious looking metal cylinder-like object sitting outside the window. It was only a couple feet tall, just sitting there in the grass.

We sat at our lunch table staring at, imagining what it could be.
"Do you think it fell out of the janitor's truck or something?"
"Why do you think someone left it here?"
"Maybe it's a bomb."
"Maybe it's alien object."
"Maybe it's a teleporter."
"I know! It's a time machine."
"Yeah, that's it!"
"Let's go get it and use it for world domination!"
"Yeah!"

We waited until the teacher (who is a 6 foot tall, muscular, buzz cut, former marine-looking guy) turn away and then we sprinted out the lunchroom door. Christina stayed behind (chicken) so it was up to Dante and I to investigate. Like immature middle-schoolers, we dared each other to go touch it and see what it was.
We approached it hesitantly.
"Be careful! You could be vaporized!"
We walked over, reached out our hands.....and touched it and then drew back quickly.
On the side, it had letters that read, "White Oil".
"What the hell is white oil?" I asked. But Dante just shrugged and we trudged back inside the lunch room.
According to Wikipedia, white oil is: "a home made insecticide spray used for controlling a wide range of insect pests in the garden. The spray works by blocking the breathing pores of insects causing suffocation and death."
Oh.
Lovely.
(But I still like to think of it as a time machine.)

In other news, I found out yesterday that MTV is making a remake of "Teen Wolf".
Eh, I'm kinda iffy about this.

I love the original 80's movie with Michael J. Fox (he was such a cutie back in the day) and I have a feeling MTV will...well...ruin it.
Besides, it's only coming out because of the whole vampire/werewolf craze generated from the-book-series-that-shall-not-be-named.

On another note, my house is becoming filled with Christmas decorations. Although, it doesn't really get you in the Christmas mood when it's 80 degrees out (seriously, not exaggerating) with 60% humidity in the middle of December. (I just love the south...NOT.)
But here's a video to get me in the Christmas spirit:

I seriously want to go to a Christmas party like that.
Bob Dylan sure knows how to throw a festive party.

The luck I've had...

2009-12-14T12:16:00.000-08:00

So, this weekend I finally got around to watching Fight Club, which has been on my movie-bucket- list for a while now and it BLEW MY MIND.

I admit, I was skeptical at first. I thought it was going to be a pointless action flick about guys beating each other up, but I was wrong. It's one of those movies that sticks with you and causes you to replay its scenes over and over again in your head.
Now, I've got Edward Norton's voice narrating my daily activities with internal monologues.

My favorite quote:

"Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables — slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

Not much happened at school today. Just another boring Monday. These next two weeks are going to be brutal with all of the projects and essays and midterms due. Aaahhhhh.

I had another weird dream last night (what am I eating before bedtime?) involving baby alligators, power lines, and space ships. I remember at one point in the dream I was sitting in the closet with my sister. I turned the TV on and said, "The TV makes you invisible. Am I invisible? Can you see me?"

It's going to take a little time while you're waiting like a factory line

2009-12-11T10:39:00.000-08:00

My friends call this my "Jackie Kennedy dress".

Now all I need is a pink pill box hat!

Another 1st lady seems to have the right idea too...

I just think that the Obama family and the Kennedy family are the cutest presidential families to ever grace the White House!
And the 1st ladies have such great style.

Geez, how happy I am that it's Friday!

But midterms start next week (booooo) so this weekend and the days that follow will most likely be all work and no play.

In the spare time that I do have I have been trying to learn how to play "Comptine D'un Autre Été: L'après-midi " by Yann Tiersen (from the movie Amélie). It's such a pretty, lonely-sounding melody.

Oh, and I had another weird dream last night.
I dreamt that there was rotting food in my room and that insects were crawling all over it (like Miss Havisham's decaying wedding cake in Great Expectations). There were ants and cockroaches and spiders and a snake slithering around in the center. I screamed and my cat, Figaro, was trying to swat at them with her paw.
I know, weird, right?

But I do have some happy things to blog about. Like, I was walking outside between classes and I saw this cute little leaf on the ground with two black seeds in the middle that looked like eyes. So in English class, I took out a black Sharpie and drew a little face.

Isn't it cute?

Also, tonight we had our Thespian District Showcase Variety Show!
Everyone who competed at Districts performed their competition piece. It was a lot of fun and everyone did so well!

Here's a video of my two contrasting monologues:

When I think back to all the crap I learned in high school...

2009-12-10T11:57:00.000-08:00

Man, I could really go for a chocolate Frosty right now...
Just sayin'.

Typically normal people like to drink milkshakes on hot and sunny days, but today has been cold and rainy which makes absolutely no sense to why I would be wanting a Frosty so bad right now.

But, yeah, just a another normal day at school.
They had a really gross lunch today; suspicious looking burgers (I don't trust cafeteria meat) and baked beans.

"What does this look like to you?" Christina asked me, thrusting the small plastic container of beans in my face.
"A stool sample."
(Dante started laughing.)
"Hungry? Have some crap!"

I think the point is that public school lunches are supposed to be gross and weird. It's like a high school rite of passage to help us survive in college on a diet based solely on Ramen noodles, Pop-Tarts, and Red Bull.

So who's excited for the new Office episode tonight?

Now, someone please go get me a Frosty!

Twist and shout

2009-12-09T12:31:00.000-08:00

My Ferris Bueller inspired look.

Today was a pretty good day. Jacqueline and I took ol' Betty for a spin after school. We put the top down and looked like total retards singing "Burning Love", "I Saw Her Standing There", "Edge of Seventeen", and "Bad Reputation" at the top of our lungs.

Ah, fun times.

Anyway, I am in love with this peacock brooch I got at a garage sale a while back. My hair is covering it in the picture, so here's a closer look:

Cute, no?

I'm just waiting on you to bring yourself to justice

2009-12-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

School is so repetitive and conforming. We are all slowly turning into robots.
(They are sucking out our souls! Save yourself!)

Well, that's my theory anyway.

Is is winter break yet?
I can't seem to shake this monkey on my back.

But anyway, I am in love with The Bravery's latest music video "Slow Poison"!

It reminds me of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Such a classic and beautiful (if not a bit slow) movie.

I remember when I lost my mind

2009-12-07T12:49:00.000-08:00

My 80's-Working Girl-yuppie look (this is the sweater I got a week ago from the thrift store).
I've gotten so many compliments today!

Anyways...
Another Monday.
I think I'm going crazy in this place.

(What do you see in the Rorschach ink blot?)

Last night I had a rather violent and scary dream.
In my dream, there was a tall person yelling insults at me and they had a horrible wicked-looking smirk. I got so angry that I walked up the figure and punched them as hard as I could. The person fell over and I ran because I could hear them getting up and running after me. It seemed like I was in a dark hotel/restaurant and I ran upstairs to hide under a bed. The figure came into the room and I was so scared they would find me.
Then the dream changed and I was in a weird Disney World- like place with a family member and there was a monorail that went by filled with teenagers.
Then the dream changed again and I was in building that was falling apart and I had super strength and my arms were made of rock and I was trying to keep the wall from collapsing.

It took me awhile, but now I've realized what it all means and what my dream symbolizes.

The "tall figure" is a manifestation of my frustration with the people in my life who insult me or don't believe in me. When I punched the person, it was me venting my anger and frustration.
Disney World is symbolic of childhood and youth. So when the monorail filled with teenagers went by, it represented leaving childhood behind. Because I was not on the train and stayed in "Disney World" shows that I feel like I'm not ready to grow up.
The "collapsing building" is symbolic of the stress in my life. I feel like my world is falling apart but I try and have super strength to keep the wall from crushing me.

...

Yes, I did just psychoanalysis myself.
Maybe I am going crazy...

It's a bittersweet symphony

2009-12-05T19:56:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, DISTRICTS.
Where do I begin?

District competition was fun/hectic/scary/sad/happy/stressful/exciting/overwhelming/bittersweet.

It was cold and drizzly and everyone could feel the tension in the air!
We walked around with our Troupe to all of the different events going on to watch our fellow thespians.

Here's how the judging works: at Districts you're not actually competing with other people, your competing with yourself. There are three judges who watch your performance and they award points based on technique, blocking, emotion, etc. and then they give you a score. This is the rank order for the scoring: Poor, Fair, Good, Excellent, Superior.
Superior is the highest achievement you can receive and if you win a superior, you can advance to the State Competition.
Beyond your score, there's another award called the Critic's Choice Award. This prestigious award is given to only one thespian in each category.

So here's how it all went down:
Our group musical went pretty well.
We received a Good :/
After that was...DUN, DUN, DUN, monologues.
I was disappointed because my monologues weren't my personal best.
But the judges liked it!
And that's all that matters.
Because I won.....a SUPERIOR!!!!
There were 53 actors who competed in monologues and less than 10 received a superior.
:D
I was so happy, I started crying and hugging my parents.

You know, the awards ceremony is always bittersweet and really overwhelming. When it's over, your friends are either smiling or frowning or laughing or crying and you're not really sure what to do. You want to comfort the people who won but you don't want to make a big deal about it and be too happy because the person standing next to them who competed in the same category is crying their eyes out. It's also hard when someone wins an award in one category but doesn't win in their other category; your not really sure whether to congratulate them or to comfort them. And then it's hard because you want to be happy for yourself but you feel guilty showing it because you want to sympathize with others.

Whew.

The awards ceremony is more complicated then the competition itself.

But I'm so happy I won.
Words cannot describe how I feel.

And I'm so proud of my Troupe! Everyone did so well! Our Troupe won 3 Critic's Choice Awards and won many Excellents and Superiors in a variety of events!

Also, the Troupe that won Critic's Choice for Group Musical performed "Flesh Failures/Let the Sunshine In" from Hair.
It was such a beautiful song and it's been suck in my head all day!
Since we're not allowed to record any of the District performances, here's the movie version so you can hear the song because it's so amazing:

It's raining, it's pouring...

2009-12-04T14:06:00.000-08:00

It rained all day today.
I was so confused all day long because every time I looked out the window, it was dark outside and I kept thinking that it was nighttime.
But it gave me a great excuse to wear my Tracy Feith rain jacket. It's from the Target collection:

I didn't get home until late because I had rehearsal after school today.
Tomorrow is the District Individual Events Thespian Competition, and I'm super psyched!
Basically, this event is a competition for young actors to compete in a variety of theatrical events such as monologues, musicals, solos, ensemble scenes, duets, etc.
Anyway, I'm performing two monologues from Death of a Salesman and Mixed Nuts. I'm also in a large group musical and we're performing the song, "The Rhythm of Life" from Sweet Charity.

I'm so excited for tomorrow!

See how they run like pigs from a gun

2009-12-03T12:08:00.001-08:00

So today was a pretty good day.
At my school we got our swine flu shot. So now I feel super protected!
Yay!

My arm is kinda sore though. And I have to admit, I have a slight phobia of needles. But I got over it.

They gave us juice and crackers afterwards. I was disappointed there were no Hello Kitty band-aides though.

But, hey, anything's better than going to math class.

I had a fun little thrift store adventure with Jacqueline, Cody, and Dante after school. We drove down to Good Will and perused through the vinyl and clothes. I'm so excited because I bought a Paul Simon album, a Beach Boys album, a memorial album of John F. Kennedy's famous speeches (which is so awesome!), a cool asymmetrical black, gray, and white late 80's early 90's sweater, and I scored some purple Vera Wang flats in perfect like-new condition (AAAAAHHHH)

Cody was really excited to find an old Nintendo player something-or-other, which he claimed is rare and expensive on eBay (Dante and Cody were fighting over it because they both saw it at the same time, but Dante bought a nice turn table so all's well that ends well).

There are some...um....interesting people at Good Will.
Seriously.
Dante and I were in the VHS/book/record section and a woman with round glasses and frizzy hair came up to us and said, "Excuse, do you know what a DVD is? I'm getting one as a present."
Uh....
I gave a nervous laugh because I thought she was kidding. Then I thought, oh wait, maybe I heard her wrong, she's just asking where the DVDs are in Goodwill! That's it!
But, nooooooo.....
She was 100% serious.

*crickets chirping*

Okayyyyyy....
Dante and I were silent for a moment. Then he went and found a DVD and showed it to her.
"A DVD is basically a CD that plays movies," he said.
He's such a sweetheart, he wasn't being sarcastic, he was really trying to help her.

Poor woman, I'd be confused too if I lived under a rock.

Half of the time we're gone and we don't know where...

2009-12-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

Oh geez, my 2nd late-nighter in a row.
Man, I gotta stop doing that.

Last night was NOT fun (can you say three hours of sleep?), but at least today wasn't so bad.

We're learning about Fidel Castro and Cuba in my history class today, which is pretty interesting.

I know that we have villainized communism in our country but it's really not that bad. Besides, the capitalism and materialism in our country is by no means perfect.
The thing about communism is that, in it's purest form (the way Karl Marx intended it) it's a decent form of government that is not evil or wicked. However, if civil liberties and basic human rights are taken away...then that becomes an issue.

But as far as governments go, I think the Native Americans had it right.

Dodo's conundrum

2009-12-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

You know when you throw up the coffee you drank this morning on the front lawn before school that's its gonna be a bad day.
Sigh.

But after school Jacqueline, Cody and I went to Moe's to try and cheer ourselves up. Then we walked over to the pet store to look around and I day-dreamed about owning a sugar glider one day when I'm older and cooler and, uh, less broke.

Aren't they the cutest????

Monday, Monday...

2009-11-30T11:34:00.000-08:00

"Every other day, every other day,
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
You can find me cryin' all of the time
Monday Monday..."
-The Mamas and the Papas

Today reminded just how much I hate school.
Sigh.

It was just one of those days when you want to do this:

And THIS:

Yeah, there's a few people I wouldn't mind doing that to.

Blowin' in the wind...

2009-11-28T20:12:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Newburyport! Goodbye Massachusetts! Goodbye New England!

Hello again Florida.
:/

We've left the gray skies, thick coats and cold winds and now we're back in the sunshine state.

The plane ride was pretty good. They played (500) Days of Summer for the in-flight movie, which was awesome! I love that movie.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is my future husband.
He just doesn't know it yet.

We had a fun little father/daughter adventure before we left Newburyport. Dad and I walked along the beach and drove to Applecrest in Hampton Falls. It's a cute little farm where they sell every kind of apple known to man.

Dad and I bought cinnamon doughnuts and apple cider and we walked around the orchards, and he told stories from his childhood (he grew up 5 minutes away from Applecrest).
Later, we went to the Dyno Records store.
All and all, it was a pretty cool way to end the trip.
I'm really sad to leave Newburyport though.

I had so much fun visiting my Nana. But all good things must come to an end I suppose. I hope we'll be back soon.

Shelter from the storm...

2009-11-27T18:02:00.000-08:00

It rained all day today.
I decided not to take part in the hustle and bustle of Black Friday, so I stayed indoors all day.
I had a really cool dream last night where I was a vampire (Don't judge me! And no Robert Pattinson was NOT in my dreams, ug).

Anyway, I had a delicious home cooked dinner with the family today and later we watched the movie, Best of Show (which was really funny).
But yeah, not much going on.
Yep.
I'm going to be really sad when we have to leave tomorrow.

But anyway, here's the nighttime photos of me playing with the exposure on my camera from yesterday's drive home:

Come on pilgrim

2009-11-26T18:14:00.000-08:00

Today was so much fun!
We went to Plimoth Plantations (no, that's not a typo). Here's how it works: historical role players dress up in traditional Puritan attire and work at a re-creation of the original pilgrim colony in 1627. The actors do normal activities and interact with the tourists but stay completely in character.
For example, when a golf-cart went by, my dad made a joke to one of the actors:
"Oh, did you guys bring that on the Mayflower? Haha."
"I'm sorry, I don't understand. What do you mean?"
And the actor refused to even acknowledge the go-cart's existence.
It was really cool.

At one point, I was talking to a colonial couple and the man looked at my dark blue nail polish.
"Do you need to see the town's surgeon? Your nails are discolored, perhaps you have frost bite."
Hahahaha! It was really funny. I loved it.
Each actor invented a character that had a story and a history and "lived" in the village.

We had so much fun walking around the village and going inside the houses and talking to the "colonists". We also toured around the Wampanoag Native American village (it always sickens me to hear about the way our ancestors treated the Native Americans), the re-creation of the Mayflower II vessel, and Plymouth Rock.

After spending a full day at Plimoth Plantations it was time to head home. It took us two hours to drive back and it was our plan to cook Thanksgiving dinner when we came home. However, it was so late and everyone was tired so we decided to go out to eat. We drove around for an hour but nothing was open! We were just about to give up when we spotted a little Mexican restaurant.

And so we spent our Thanksgiving dinner eating Mexican food. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.
Normalcy isn't really our thing.

Anyway, we all went around and said just three things we were thankful for. Here's mine (even if they are cliche):
1. I'm thankful for my wonderful family and friends. My parents, my sister and my Nana.
2. I'm thankful for my health and all of my gifts and talents.
3. I'm thankful that the world is still here and that it hasn't ended.

Happy Thanksgiving.

American Tune

2009-11-25T17:31:00.000-08:00

Today was cold and drizzly with foggy, gray skies that make you want to curl up by the fireplace with warm coffee. I know it might be odd, but I absolutely love this kind of weather.
I think I'm a northerner at heart.

We drove up to Plymouth Plantations today and on the drive there we saw signs leading to places like Braintree and Cape Cod which made me wish we had more time to spend up here. Massachusetts is so full of history, and colonial America is so fascinating to me. I love it.

I had to endure the drive up to Plymouth in a cramped car with Jacqueline's elbow in my side and my tailbone falling asleep. But I had my iPod to keep me company and the dreamy scenery to keep me occupied.

When we finally arrived at Plymouth Plantations we had a traditional Thanksgiving dinner that was similar to what the Pilgrims ate in for the first Thanksgiving in 1627. We had ciderkin to drink, and we ate: bread and butter, mussels, turkey, pottage of cabbage, leeks and onions, sweet pudding rice, stewed pompion, pork, fish, cheesecake, figs and cheese. The food was delicious and the recipes were taken from 1600's cookbooks.

At the dinner there were costumed role players who spoke with English accents and wore 17th century Puritan attire. They stayed in character and chatted with us. One of the women asked Jacqueline and I our age.
"We're 17."
"Oh! Isn't that lovely! Are you wed? Where are your husbands?"
HAHAHAHAHAHahahahaha
Oh, goodness. I got a good kick out of that. 'Cause that's how they did things back in the 17th century. Too funny.
It reminded me of this scene from Scrubs:

But I had so much fun today talking to my grandma. I love our close connection and how we can talk about anything.
We played her Roy Orbison CD and talked about how much high school has changed since her time and about religion, art, music, etc.

My Nana's favorite things:

Roy Orbison

Airline stewarding

Don Quixote

Ancient China

Theater

Collecting dolls

The Sting

Georgia O'Keeffe

"Nobody sees a flower really; it is so small. We haven't time, and to see takes time - like to have a friend takes time."
-Georgia O'Keeffe

I think my Nana and I have flower souls. We get overlooked sometimes by the busy world.

I'm leaving on a jet plane.

2009-11-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

Yay!
Thanksgiving vacation has officially started!
Well, for me anyway. The suckers at school still have one more day in class.

We boarded the plane earlier this morning to fly up to Boston to visit my Nana. I'm really looking forward to spending time with her. She's pretty much the best grandmother EVER. She used to be an airline stewardess in the 50's, which is so cool.

It's was so much fun going to the airport. You see, my dad is a pilot so usually we fly in our small single engine plane and we hardly ever get to fly on commercial planes. So flying on Delta is a treat for me.

We were one of the last people to board our plane (no surprise there). We almost didn't make it because Jacqueline and Dad were in the food court when it was time to board. Mom frantically called them on her phone:
"JEFF! We have to leave NOW! They're boarding, we're the last ones left!"
Jacqueline was in the middle of getting Burger King when Dad grabbed her. Her fries and drink sailed through the air and scattered on the floor.
"Dad! My soda!"
"Leave it, there's so time!"
"No! No one gets left behind!"
"*@$#&%! Come on!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Jacqueline, come on!"
Mom and I watched them from a distance running through the terminal, Jacqueline with soda spilled on her arm, and Dad clutching his swinging carry-on (aka man purse).
But we made it! All's well that ends well.

I just love the whole flight experience; people-watching (so many interesting people from all around the world!), walking around the airport, taking off, getting free peanuts (who doesn't love those?) and it's so relaxing being up in the air. The clouds are flat and dense so from up here it looks like we're flying over a frozen tundra.

It's crazy how planes are able to lift off. It's hard to imagine that these huge metal tubes can get off the ground at all. It kinda seems to defy all logic.

(Free plane food!)

So here we are in New England, safe and sound.

I just love it up here. New England is gorgeous. I love the Northern style fashion, old houses, romantic scenery, cold weather, skeleton trees, and the tides that go in and out of the basin.

My Nana is one of the coolest person I know. She has such a warm generous heart with an eye for beauty and creativity. And we have so much in common!
Well...except for our taste in nail color. One of the first things she said to me while looking at my nails:
"Is this left over from Halloween?" she said laughing. I guess bright navy blue nails is a generational thing.

We're staying in her cozy little seaside cottage in a small town in Massachusetts.
I wouldn't want to spend Thanksgiving any other way.

I am such at peace here.

Here are the pictures I took today:

You do this to yourself...

2009-11-23T11:39:00.000-08:00

So today was one of the worst days I've had in a while.
:(
I really want to get at a point in my life when things are better and I'm not just wishing for things to get better.

I mean, I know things could always be worse, but I don't like to play that game with myself. For example, in any given scenario on the planet, things could always be worse. You could be an orphan who lost her family and all of her belongings in a fire and you could be be dying of cancer or something but there's always something worse than that, you could be blind or paraplegic or in coma; so it's silly to say "things could always be worse".

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am really thankful for everything I have in life and I know I'm pretty lucky, but why do I feel so unhappy? I can't help but wish that my life didn't suck as much. It's hard to be optimistic and make lemonade when things aren't getting better.

But I guess we do this to ourselves.
We get angry at the world, at the system, at our bosses and teachers when the truth is that we're mad at ourselves.
I think we fail to realize that we force ourselves to endure school and work, not our parents or our bosses or our teachers.
We fail to realize how easy it is to quit. How easy it would be to rip my test in half, yell "Screw you!" and walk out of the classroom. Walk down the hallways and out of the building. And just keep on walking. Until I make it to the bus stop and get on and drive somewhere, anywhere, far away from here. And disappear.
It would be so easy to leave.
So easy to walk away.
So easy to leave all of this behind.

But I can't. Because I force myself not to quit.

"Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says 'Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears. Says 'But, doctor...I am Pagliacci.'"
-Watchmen

There's a she-wolf in the closet...

2009-11-20T23:36:00.000-08:00

So today I saw New Moon with Jacqueline and Dante.
Sheesh. Where do I begin?
Ok, first off I would like to make a few things clear.

1. Yes, I did read the Twilight book series.

2. Yes, I did like it, but the whole thing is silly and has been blown way out of proportion. (I mean these books are not literary masterpieces, people. They are junk food for your brain.)

3. I am Team Jacob all the way. Robert Pattinson is less hot and is way too melodramatic. (Besides werewolves are hands down cooler than vampires. I think drinking blood is gross and who would want to live forever by killing innocent people? Werewolves are awesome; they get to transform into a powerful and beautiful animal and have the freedom of running wild through the forest.)

4. If you want to read an engaging and thought-provoking book that is nothing like Twilight, read The Host by Stephanie Meyer. Just saying.

Ok, so about the movie...
It was pretty good, I guess. Kinda.
For one thing, I can not stand Kristen Stewart. She had a stand-offish attitude on screen that severed the emotional connection with the audience and her acting style was awkward and stiff. And seriously, could they not hire her a hair stylist?
I was not feeling the on screen chemistry between Kristen and Robert in this movie. Their lines were melodramatic, cliche and forced. And Robert Pattinson's dead, emotionless eyes did not appeal to me at all.
"I'd kill myself if anything ever happened to you!"
"I love you, Edward!"
"I love you, Bella!"
*smooch, kiss, pant*
"We'll be together for ever and ever!"
Hold on, a second while I THROW UP.

The best parts of the movie were the wolf transformation scenes and the scene with the Volturi. Michael Sheen was cast perfectly as Aro; his characterization was spot on. And Dakota Fanning played a very convincing evil vampire. Also, the soundtrack for the movie was kick ass.

But Oh My Goodness. The gayest part in the whole movie was this scene:

Running through the forest in slow motion with weird smiles on their faces and clothes that look like they belong in the Secret Garden with light airy flutes playing in the background? Yeah, no.
Dante and I burst out laughing.
We had to cover our mouths to keep quiet in the theater.

Also, the man sitting next to me wearing a white wife beater smelled like cigarettes and pot. Ug. It was so gross. Every time he lifted or adjusted his jacket, it sent a huge whiff my way.

So that was my New Moon experience.
Nothing else really happened today. I wrote a poem for the first time in months, which is really great because I was beginning to think that my creativity well had run dry. Here it is:

Pain(e)

I think we fail
To realize
The complexity
Beauty
Passion
Of a cell
I think we fail
To see
Ourselves
Unbiased and raw
Our egos
A mask
That denatures
And blinds
Us
Our place
Restrained
Determined by
Physics
Defined through
Hollow tubes
Falsely measured
By millimeters of infinity
Juxtaposed
Between an atom
And a star
I think we fail
To know
Everything
Mustard seed intelligence
Toy hands
And plastic hearts
Of simple souls
I think we fail
To live
The watchmaker
With artistic devotion
Fit the gears
To whirl
And spin
Wound about
To tick the years
Thus the clock
Was set
In motion

I've got Friday on my mind

2009-11-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

Is is just me or does it feel like Friday?
Seriously.

So in our English class we read the book Pedro Paramo by Juan Rulfo last week and today our teacher let us watch the 1960 movie version. Which is really cool because we usually never get to watch movies in school.

I like the movie a lot because it's less confusing than the book but I like the book better. Reading Pedro Paramo is like being in a Salvador Dali painting. It's overwhelming, ghostly, and poetic and there's so many hidden symbols and motifs that we can only try to understand. And I feel like the movie hasn't completely captured that feeling.

Jacqueline and I went to Starbucks after school today and I paid for my Pumpkin Spice latte purely in nickels and dimes. The barista laughed at me. Hey, in this economy, I gotta start breaking into my piggy bank.

Oh, also, some exciting news for Vampire Weekend fans like me!
The band just released the video for their new single "Cousins"!
Eep!
Words cannot express my excitement for their new album!

I am in love with Ezra Koenig! (like every other female hipster)
Vampire Weekend is one of my favorite bands.
Here's my top 1o favorite artists/bands of all time:

1. Vampire Weekend
2. Paul Simon
3. Bob Dyaln
4. The Killers
5. Billy Joel
6. Fleet Foxes
7. Regina Spektor
8. Bright Eyes
9. The Shins
10. John Mayer

P.S. (Chris Merritt is runner up)

If I had time in a bottle...

2009-11-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

My 1969 inspired look. Why doesn't love the 60's? (conservatives and music-haters that's who).
Did you know, I got to meet Artie Kornfeld, the man who produced Woodstock, last spring?
True story.
It was an incredible experience.

So today was pretty boring. Exam in Spanish, Biology essay due, and a pop quiz in History.
Yay.

Another thought-provoking conversation at my lunch table today. We're starting a regular Socrates Cafe in our corner of the cafeteria. Our lunch table philosophy topic today was about homosexuality. Before you cringe, we covered some pretty interesting questions like: What really makes somebody straight? What makes somebody gay? Is everybody bi in some small form? Are people born gay or is it a personal choice? Is homosexuality a form of insanity? How much is a person influenced by their environment? (we got some weird looks by the freshman who walked by our table).

Just another day in high school.

Keep running up that hill...

2009-11-17T12:16:00.000-08:00

So yeah, my outfit's pretty simple today, but my favorite part was the big puffy sleeves and the owl necklace:

It was so cool because on our way to school Jacqueline and I saw two hot air balloons glide by. I thought I was imagining things, but they were real. I think.
They reminded me of New Mexico.

My lunch is so entertaining with my friends. We had a discussion today about life. And basically we concluded that money is the root of all evil. And Hanna Montana.
I just can't understand why we have to make life so miserable. Why do we treat each other like this, and murder, and steal, and go to war, when our lives are so short? Why do we spend so much time hating our jobs, and school, and our lives, when this is all we have? I guess it's because people think that what they do in life doesn't matter. And that a Utopian paradise is waiting for them when they die because they are "saved". But what if nothing happens after we die? What if this life is all we have and all we'll ever be?

God, I hate high school. It's made me so pessimistic.

All of the foolishness of our lives spinning out of control.

2009-11-16T11:47:00.001-08:00

Look ma! No sleep!
Ug, I'm so tired. All-nighters are NOT fun. I feel like this kitty cat:

Anyway, after watching the trailer for Daybreakers for the 1,000,000,000th time, the song Running Up that Hill - Placebo has been stuck in my sleep deprived brain all day long.

I'm tired of the sunsets.

2009-11-14T14:33:00.001-08:00

Hello again.

How's the weekend going?

So, today there was a talent show at my library and I performed Boston by Augustana.

It was really distracting to watch the other contestants because the man sitting in front of me had eyes tattooed on the back of his neck and I felt like they were staring at me, THE WHOLE TIME. *shudder*

Oh and one of the judges looked like Jeff the guidance counselor from Freaks and Geeks. Seriously.

But anyway, here's the video of my performance:
(sorry, you may have to tip your head to the side)

Jai guru deva om. Nothing's gonna change my world.

2009-11-13T23:01:00.000-08:00

So. Happy Friday the 13th.

I went to see 2012 tonight with Jacqueline and Dante.
I liked it for the most part, even though it was predicable. I love John Cusack and Roland Emmerich so I was pretty excited for this movie.

What struck me was the intensity. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time and on the verge of shouting at the movie screen. When the movie ended, I had to uncurl myself from my seat and peel my sweaty jacket off (ew).
Of course, some crappy acting, some good acting but the special effects kicked ass.
And of course, who could forget all the cliches? ("It's a suicide mission, you'll never make it!" "I've got to try!")

I left the theater feeling exhausted and desolate. And kinda freaked out. The earthquake and tsunami scenes really got to me. When everything started falling apart, I admit, I cried like a baby. I kept trying to hide my face and muffle my sobs so my friends wouldn't hear.
It wasn't so much the acting and dialogue that affected me, it was just the idea of the world ending. All the death, all the horror, everything lost forever...it was such a hopeless feeling. It left me hollow. I really hope the world doesn't end anytime soon. If everything was lost, how would anyone in the universe know of our existence? How do we justify our place in the galaxy? A lonely world gone forever. All the science, art, music, culture, life, all to vanish in a tiny corner of infinite space. Everything we've accomplished and worked for, all for nothing. Unnoticed by the vast eternity of the cosmos.

So, who's excited for the weekend?

First Post!

2009-11-12T12:59:00.000-08:00

I finally got a blog!

I promised myself that when I finally finished my history extended essay (4,000 words and 18 pages of pure hell) I would get a blog. And so. Here I am.

Where's the welcoming committee?

Anyway, I should probably keep this short and sweet given that I've had to survive on only 3 hours of sleep last night, so I may not be coherent.

Ta ta for now.

Oh and here's my outfit from today: